It Will Be Because He Loves You
by APRIL BROWN
Summary: Set after season 6, after Elena goes to sleep. A little over 70 years later a dying Bonnie writes a letter to Damon, who has been gone for 7 years. When Elena returns to find him gone she sets out to find him, carrying the only thing that might bring him back to her. Bonnie's Letter. *Complete Story*
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Elena,_

 _Most mornings I wake up and expect to feel you laying in bed next to me. When I don't I like to tell myself that you are in the bathroom, or downstairs eating breakfast. It doesn't take me long though to realize how cold, and un-slept in your side of the bed is and I face the fact that you are not here. You haven't been here. I am all alone._

 _The realization hits me hard every day. I'm trying Elena, I really am but this is too much for me. Too much pain, too much loneliness. I've held out 65 years. All of our friends are growing old and tired. Almost all of Bonnie's magic is gone, Tyler can't change anymore, Matt's hair is all white and he doesn't walk well anymore. Even Jeremy is beginning to feel the ravages of time._

 _Ric passed almost exactly six years ago... This is why I didn't get close to people Elena, cause this part is just too hard. I let myself care because I thought you would be here with me for this part. You are supposed to be here. I can't do another funeral alone Elena. I miss you all the time. I can't ever get you out of my head. I need a break from all of this pain Elena. I feel like I'm suffocating._

 _I hope you don't hate me, when you wake up to find what has happened. I hope you can forgive me for what I have to do. I tried as long as I could but watching our friends die and not having you here is too much for me. I know you are going to be pissed, but if there is anyone who can bring me back from the edge it's you. I know you will find me, I hope you'll forgive me for this one day. I love you, Elena._

Damon sighed as he looked over the last page of his leather bound journal. The first journal he's ever kept in all of his 200 some odd years. He'd do anything for Elena really. He sighed again as an evil voice snaked through his brain _Everything except stay._ The voice was right. He couldn't go on like this, not anymore. There would be nothing left of him for her to come back to if he stayed. He placed the black leather journal in the middle of his neatly made bed. He hadn't slept in days. Then he grabbed his leather jacket and shrugged it on, making his way out the room. At the doorway he turned and gave one last once over to his 18th century style room. He had packed away all of his personal belongings in boxes and shoved them to the back of the closet. There was nothing left of him except for the journal that belonged to Elena now. It was just another empty room now in the otherwise very empty house. He felt a pit open up in his stomach as he flipped the light switch and felt a light go off inside himself. Before all signs of his humanity disappeared he had one last thought of Elena, she would bring him back, he knew she would. Then he was in his blue Camaro, speeding down the road away from his house and Mystic Falls, not heading in any particular direction, just going anywhere but there.

* * *

 _Dear Elena,_

 _Stefan says I shouldn't mention it to you. He thinks we can get him back in time, but I promised to write everything so I'm going against my fiance's wishes and putting it in here anyway. It's been almost three years since we found the Boarding house empty. None of us read the black journal that was left on his bed, because we know it's for you, but it isn't hard to guess what happened. He turned his phone off and in all of this time, not even Bonnie has heard from him. We have no idea where to start looking and I'm just not as optimistic about the time we have left. Bonnie is old Lena. She is tired and weak, and she misses her best friend. It's bad enough she won't get to say her goodbye to you, but her heart yearns for him. I can't believe he would do this now. He lasted 65 years, why now, at the end would he decide to flip the switch and take off? It's idiotic, and unfair. Poor Bon, she really came to care for him you know?_

Caroline groaned to herself as she thought of her friends love for the dark haired, troubled vampire. He was going to screw everything up with this little stunt. Elena was going to be so pissed. She closed the pastel purple journal she was writing in. She stuck it in the first drawer of her new, mahogany desk. Caroline and Stefan had spent the last 50 years traveling the world. After she finished college he flew her out to Italy and they never stopped. She had seen so many beautiful places, and done so many things. The huge office with glass windows she was sitting in was their next step in life.

They had settled down in New York City and Caroline became a wedding planner. Stefan warned her they would not get to stay here long because after 15 years or so people would began to notice that Caroline and her husband were perpetual teenagers. She was happy though. She had always wanted to be a wedding planner, and now she was. With her own desk and huge office in New York City, filled with pictures of all her past projects. She had gotten everything she had wanted out of life so far. She smiled to herself for a moment, letting herself momentarily forget that terrible situation Damon had put them in.

 _Dear Elena,_

 _I'm positive Caroline isn't listening to me and is writing about Damon as we speak. I know because she took her journal with her to work, and she never does that. She's cute to think I wasn't paying attention. I'm not angry with her, in fact I changed my mind about telling you myself. I don't think we are going to find him this time Elena. My heart hurts. Caroline swears he's flipped his switch, but there is nothing Elena. There is no trail of bodies, no string of violence. Not even any assaults in one area. If he had flipped his switch, there would be something to follow right? But I know he wouldn't not say goodbye to Bonnie if he was feeling something. I'm so confused. He's just gone Elena. I fear the worst._

Stefan tapped his foot impatiently at his desk at home. He closed his brown leather journal. A small lamp sat to his right and it was the only light shining throughout his study. His brother's disappearance had left him distraught. He felt guilty for leaving Damon all alone in the boarding house for all those years. He thought he had been getting enough attention from Bonnie and her family, he thought Damon was coping fine. It was the last stretch after all, this was supposed to be the easy part. After Ric's funeral though, Damon stopped seeing Bonnie as much. Bonnie had expressed her concerns to Caroline and him but they had shrugged it off. After all no one thought he'd be dumb enough to give up within a decade of getting Elena back. The dark room smelled of dust and Stefan tried to keep his head above the roaring waves of guilt that threatened to pull him under. Not only had he failed Bonnie and Elena, he failed his brother. He was supposed to be the one who knew him better than anyone in the world and he had simply turned the other cheek. Now Stefan couldn't even be sure he was alive. He felt a sob threaten to break through his chest and he fought it down. Caroline would be home soon, and he couldn't act like this in front of her. He couldn't let her know how bad he was feeling or she would never stop until she fixed the problem, and there just wasn't a fix to this problem.

* * *

 _Dear Elena,_

 _This will be the last entry of my life story to you Elena. No stop that don't cry, you'll make me cry. I am old and tired Elena. My magic is gone, I miss the earth, the spirits. I can feel the life leaving my body every day. I'm not afraid though. I know that once I'm gone you will wake up, and finally get to live the life you so selflessly gave up for me. I know that my death will mean your life and that is not a scary thought. I do need to ask you one last thing though, and I know I have no right to, but there is another who has given up his life for mine and I owe it to him to try and help. Damon has been gone now for nearly 7 years. For the first time since you went to sleep I haven't even heard from him once._

 _I'm not sure where he is, or what he's been doing Elena, but you must find him, and bring him back from the edge that I know he is balancing on. I wish more than anything he could be here. I miss him with every fiber of my being. My only regret in this life will be that I did not get to tell him bye, or tell him how much I loved him, before I go. I've put a letter in the back of this journal that i'd like you to give to him, if you ever find him. At least then I can try to ease any guilt he may feel over what he has done._

 _I owe him so much. He stuck by my side throughout these years. He's been a big part of my kids lives, and my grand kids lives. They miss him too. He's really been so good Elena, you would be so proud. I can't even imagine the pain he must have been struggling with. It hurts me to know I just left him alone with it. Find him Elena, for both of your sake. For my sake. Find him and bring him home._

Bonnie closed the pea green journal and hugged it to her chest. This would be her last gift to Damon, the last spell she could cast to help him get through this. She owed him that much.

"Mother, you should be resting." Bonnie's daughter, Angela stepped into her bedroom shutting the door behind her with a quiet click. Angela looked a lot like Bonnie had when she was younger. Her dark hair fell around her in curly waves. Her mocha skin was smooth and the dark contrast of her lashes made her green eyes pop, even in the dim light of Bonnie's room. Bonnie laid in her bed and breathed slowly as she watched her daughter make her way over to sit next to her.

"I'm fine dear." She managed out in a whisper. Her strength was not what it used to be, and on top of that her emotions were running away from her.

"Were you writing to Elena again?" Angela asked as she plucked her mom's private journal out of her hands. Bonnie had told Angela and her brother Delanie about all the supernatural things around them when Angela started showing signs of having power like Bonnie's. Angela had been 14 and delanie was 16. After Bonnie had told them Delanie had taken a special liking to Damon and since the kid's father had taken off soon after Angela developed her power, Bonnie was glad Delanie found someone he could look up to. Damon had been a very active part of her kid's lives. He was there for every major holiday, school play, sporting event. He was there for Angela's first heartbreak and to give the very uncomfortable talk to Delanie about the birds and the bees. Damon had been at both of her kids high school and college graduations. Angela had asked him to be in the room when she gave birth to her son Damien, who she even named after Damon. Her kids felt his absence every bit as she did. Bonnie knew it and she didn't miss the flash of pain in Angela's eyes when the thick envelope with _Damon_ scripted on the front of it fell out of the journal she was holding. She picked it up and held it between her delicate fingers and then threw an accusatory look at her mother.

"Why did you write this?"

"There are some things I needed to tell Damon."

"Why don't you just wait till he gets back and tell him yourself?" She spat. Bonnie sighed. Her poor daughter was not ready to let her go yet. Delanie had made his peace, he knew his mother was tired. It had taken longer but he had developed powers too and he could feel the magic waning from his mom's body. He knew, that in her heart, she would want to go home to the earth soon. Angela on the other hand was not ready to let go, scared of how she would ever get through life without Damon and her mother. Bonnie's heart hurt for her daughter, but that was life. She learned it when her Grams past and Angela would learn and cope for the sake of her son, who would some day learn the hard truth himself.

"I'm tired Angela. Damon is gone, and the only one who can bring him back is Elena. You kids miss him, Stefan misses him. Holding on is only hurting them now." Bonnie explained in a tired, whispery voice. Immediately tears sprang to Angela's eyes as she frantically started shaking her head.

"But what about your life? What about what is hard for us?" Her voice was shaking as she spoke and Bonnie reached out a feeble hand to grasp her daughters.

"It will be hard baby, but you are nowhere near alone. You have your brother and your uncles jeremy and tyler. Caroline and Stefan are one call away. Damon will return, once this is over, and he will be just as here for you as he has always been. And you will never be without me Angela. Your power will bound you to me for as long as you possess it. I will be with you through it always. But i grow weary of this life Ang. My magic is gone, my strength is gone. I am an old woman who has lived a long, healthy life thanks to the sacrifices of my dearest friends. You have to let me go, so I can finally repay them." Tears streaked down Angela's face in thick streams. She squeezed Bonnie's hand tightly in hers and bent her head over their conjoined hands as sobs filled the room. Bonnie let her cry for a while, knowing this was no easy thing she was asking of her daughter.

"Okay momma, okay." She finally struggled out between sobs and Bonnie sighed with contentment. Now she could go, at peace, knowing she was doing the only thing she could to help. Bonnie squeezed her daughter's hand back for one second and then she fell into a peaceful sleep.

Angela stayed in the room for a while and cried silently. Watching as her mom's chest rose and fell evenly as she slept. Once she was calm enough she placed the envelope back in the journal and left the room silently. Once in the brightly lit hallway of her mother's house she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed a number she had used many times throughout her life. It rang a few times and then a familiar, velvety voice came on the machine. _Don't leave a message_ he said in his usual sarcastic, joking tone. _I ignored you on purpose._ Angela could practically hear the smirk on his un-aged face. Angela had been with him when he recorded this. She had been about 8 years old and he had come and picked her up from school without her mom's permission. After about the 8th voicemail he had recorded this message, causing a young Angela to giggle. completely delighted. Her mother had been so angry at the two of them she hadn't spoken to Damon for a week.

"Damon, please come home." Angela sobbed into the receiver. "Damon she's dying. We need you here. Please." The last words fell off her lips in a whisper. When the machine said nothing back she clicked the end button and threw her phone across the room. At the loud thud her brother emerged from the room across the hall from her mom's. He was rubbing his eyes like he's just woken up. His eyes were not like her green ones, but were a golden color that reminded Angela of their real dad. His skin was the same creamy mocha color as hers. He stood a foot taller than her and he was cut like a football player. He took one look at his sister's tear stained face and then looked to his mom's door. When he looked back at her questioningly she shook her head. "Not yet, but she wrote Damon a goodbye letter and put it in Elena's journal. She told me I need to let her go now." Delanie never said a word. Angela had never understood how he could just accept his mom's dying but he understood. He had said all he wanted for his mother was peace and happiness, no matter how bad it hurt. He walked over to his younger sister and wrapped her in his strong arms. She cried into his embrace until she felt herself start to be pulled under by sleep. She thought Delanie might have carried her to her room.

Delanie had carried his sister to her room when she had fallen asleep. He had then slipped back into his room and crawled underneath the covers. He had come to terms with his dying mother a long time ago it was true. It still hurt him more than he could say, especially without Damon here. Damon had been like an older brother, a dad, an uncle. Whatever he felt like, Damon was family, and this family needed him now. Delanie wasn't angry at Damon, he had been told the story, Damon himself had even confided in Delanie here and there about just how much pain he felt on a daily basis, so he understood, but the childish part of him really just wanted him to put them first.

 _Don't leave a message, I ignored you on purpose._ Delanie sighed at the familiar message. "Damon man, I don't know how to be the man in this situation. I need you here. Angela needs you here, Mom needs you here. You still have a family here that loves you, If there is any part of you left, come home." Delanie sighed as he hit the end button. Nothing about this situation was fair, and there was nothing he could do to change it.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hello?" Caroline answered cheerfully.

"Caroline." It was Angela. She was crying. Caroline's heart plunged into her stomach as she just knew what was coming next. She sat down in the empty chair at her kitchen table. She had just set Stefan's plate of breakfast down in front of him and was on her way out the door when her phone had rang. At the sound of Angela's despair all thoughts of work left Caroline's mind and her knees grew weak.

"Angela?" Caroline threw a knowing, warning look at Stefan who was eyeing her curiously now. At the look at Caroline's face Stefan immediately sat forward and took his fiance's hand. It was happening.

"She didn't wake up Caroline. My mom didn't wake up." Angela was full on sobbing but it wasn't hard to decipher what she was saying. This was it. Bonnie had died, and Elena was going to wake up, and Damon was still MIA. Things were about to get difficult.

"We're on our way." Caroline said all business. Then she ended the phone call and turned her confused eyes on Stefan and was met with a similar expression on his face. Their hearts were breaking for the loss of Bonnie. The pain her family was feeling coupled with the stress and fear of the missing Damon was enough to make any one person break under pressure. On the other hand though, they all knew what this would mean. They were going to see Elena again. Hold her, talk to her, hear her laugh, and for Stefan this could very well be his last chance to get his brother back. They got up from the table, Stefan leaving his food untouched, and Caroline leaving her job behind without a second thought. Within the hour bags were packed, and they were in Caroline's SUV on the road towards Mystic Falls.

Stefan dropped Caroline off at Bonnie's house, leaving her to deal with her distraught kids and funeral plans. Caroline was good at stuff like that, it's what she did. Stefan on the other hand would just be more uncomfortable than anything, besides, Damon was the vampire they wanted to see, not him. So he gracefully bowed out by telling Caroline someone had to go to the Salvatore crypt and sit with Elena. For all they knew she could already be awake, or she wouldn't wake up for weeks. Either way, someone had to go get her out of that coffin. Caroline agreed and with a quick kiss and a firm hug she exited the SUV and made her way slowly up to Bonnie's front door.

Stefan didn't stick around to watch the door open, he took off immediately. As the tree whirred by him fear grew in his stomach. What if she had woken up the minute Bonnie had passed? What if she had been awake, suffocating in that coffin, all alone? He had to get to her. Within minutes he was screeching to a stop at the graveyard where he had first met Elena. He bound out of the car and up the familiar path towards his family's crypt. Now that Bonnie was passed the spell she had put on it would be broken and he easily ripped the giant padlock off the doors. "Elena." He called as he stepped inside but stopped short. It was dark inside the crypt but it did little to hinder his sight. There were cobwebs in the corner and the place smelled heavily of dust mites and mice. That wasn't what stopped him short though, what took his breath away was the coffin was open, and even worse than that, it was empty. He blurred up to the side of the coffin and could see the indention in the cushion where her body had laid all this time but other than that there was no evidence anyone had been here. He looked around the tiny crypt again frantically trying to understand how any of this could have happened. Even with the spell gone it had been padlocked. If someone had broken in the lock would have been broken. Stefan had broken the still fully intact lock when he got there so there's no way that happened. Then he saw it. The small window in the side of the crypt was completely devoid of glass, that was shattered all over the floor beneath it. The window was big enough for Elena's small frame to fit through, but Stefan doubted anyone bigger than that could have gotten in that way. _Where the hell was she?_

Stefan blurred out of the crypt and was back in the SUV in a matter of seconds. As the tires squealed in protest he floored it down the road back towards Bonnie's house. Caroline was not going to be happy about this.

"What do you mean she's gone?! How can she be gone?! She was spelled inside the crypt!" Caroline was shouting. Like really shouting. The little veins danced under her eyes as her anger began to push her over the edge of control.

"When Bonnie passed her spell dissipated. She was only held in there by lock, and a very flimsy glass window." Stefan explained, trying desperately to calm the blond down. Bonnie's children were watching with tear stained, wide eyed, horror as sweet little Caroline battled with her inner monster. Stefan knew they didn't need the fear on top of everything right now and Angela's son certainly didn't need to see this. He spoke in a gentle, soft tone as he approached his fiance. "We will find her Caroline, Jeremy is already on his way here. We can use his blood and Angela has already agreed to try a locator spell." He grabbed the top of her arms and tried to give them a reassuring squeeze. "She tried a locator spell with Damon and it didn't work, what makes you think it'll work for Elena?"

"Because I doubt Elena would know anyone after 70 years who would be willing to hide her location for her Caroline." He said this a bit more firmly as he looked deeply into her crystal blue eyes. He willed her to calm down and give them a chance. This seemed to work cause she un-puffed her chest and her shoulders relaxed. Then she sighed and dropped her face in her hands and began to cry. Stefan pulled her into him, holding her tightly. He knew this was a lot for her. Bonnie's death was already hard, seeing Elena again was what was going to make it bearable, now Elena was gone and things didn't seem quite so bearable anymore.

Jeremy arrived late that night. Angela had put her son down about an hour before Jeremy's feeble hand knocked on the door. Delanie had jumped up to answer and he was helping him into the house and towards the couch when Stefan walked into the room.

"Jeremy." Stefan wrapped him in a quick hug which the older man returned immediately. "How're you doing?" He asked in a sympathetic tone. Jeremy's face had been affected by time. His still thick hair was almost all grey and his face sagged and dipped into wrinkles that seemed to map out all the many stresses he dealt with throughout his life. His eyes however were still that of the 15 year old boy Stefan had met. Full of life and spunk that not even time could steal from him. His body was in good shape for a man his age but his joints bothered him quite a bit, all the instant growth of becoming a hunter had taken its toll in the later years of his life. He sighed deeply and turned his young eyes on Stefan. "I've been better Stef." he said matter-of-factly. Stefan nodded knowingly, it was hard not to feel desperate. Angela came into the room then and gave Jeremy a sweet smile "Hey uncle Jeremy." She hugged him gently then leveled her eyes at him. This was the most composed she's seemed since she had called Caroline earlier that morning. Stefan wondered if she had been trying to center herself for the spell. He hugged her earnestly and kept a hold of hr mocha hand as she sat next to him on the couch. "Hi dear"

"Uncle Jeremy are you sure you want to do this?" Delanie asked wearily. He didn't like that they would have to cut him to get his blood.

"I have to do this Delanie. Don't worry about me . I've done worse than a cut on my hand kid." He chuckled and it lit his already too young eyes up like fireworks. Stefan knew he was thinking of the many different things that had happened to him since the Salvatores walked into his sister's life. Unfortunately Jeremy had caught the brunt of a lot of the physical and emotional injuries throughout the years. He seemed good natured about it though, which was good. Delanie looked at him skeptically but didn't protest again.

"Well we should get started." Angela sighed and pulled herself up off the couch. Just then Caroline breezed in with a huge map and a very sharp looking knife. Angela looked at Caroline for a second, then settled back down on the couch. Caroline laid the map flat on the wooden coffee table in front of Jeremy and Angela and then silently handed the knife to Angela.

"Hey jeremy." Caroline squeaked.

"We will find her Caroline, don't worry so much." Jeremy assured the obviously stressed caroline. Caroline just looked away and plopped herself in Stefan's lap, who was sat in an arm chair across from the couch.

"DO you have her personal item?" Angela asked Jeremy.

"Yeah." Jeremy pulled out Elena's old teddy bear that used to sit atop her bed. His eyes grew sad as he looked down at the beat up thing. Then he seemed to come back to reality and he looked steadily towards Angela.

"OKay let's start." Angela carefully took Jeremy's hand in hers and before any of us could think she slashed a quick line through his palm. Jeremy did a little more than wince but otherwise remained still as his blood trickled onto the laid out map. Then she was chanting familiar sounding foreign words. Everyone in the room held their breath as at first nothing happened. Stefan could feel Caroline's body growing rigid as the seconds ticked by. Just as Stefan began to fear that Caroline would jump out of her seat on Stefan's lap, Jeremy's blood pooled to the middle of the map, then streamlined to the right. Collectively as a group everyone let out a relieved breath and waited for the blood to settle.

"There, she's there." Angela said. Stefan shook his head and laughed humorlessly. Angela looked at him curiously.

"That's the boarding house. She went to the boarding house." Caroline smacked herself in the forehead as she laughed out loud. "Why didn't we just check there?"

"No one's been there in such a long time, I hadn't even thought about it." Stefan said. Delanie and Angela were still looking confused as the two talked amongst themselves. Jeremy was the one to notice so he chimed in, speaking to Bonnie's children.

"The boarding house is Stefan and Damon's house. It's where they were living the last time Elena was awake."

"But Damon has practically raised us and we have never even heard of it." Angela retorted.

"What's even funnier is, as far as I know, that's where he'd been staying all the way up until.." Stefan had been smiling until he trailed off, letting his smile slip away with the sentence. Everyone knew what he couldn't say. Until Damon flipped his switch and disappeared. The room fell into a pregnant silence for a second until Delanie piped up.

"How come we never knew of it."

"He had told me once that the boarding house was the only place he still felt Elena. I'd bet he didn't want to mix you guys into it because it would make the last part of his past with Elena feel like it's gone." Caroline said. Stefan looked at her questioningly.

"I didn't know he ever confided in you." He said, sounding every bit the bratty little brother.

"Yeah well, I don't exactly put my care for Damon on display. It was a personal moment." Caroline sounded more angry and embarrassed than guilty of anything and that seemed to placate Stefan's growing tantrum. Caroline rolled her eyes at him.

"Are you two going to go get my sister, or bicker all night. I've waited way too many years to see her, i'd like to get to." Jeremy grumbled like the old man he was. This snapped Caroline and Stefan out of their little squabble and made the two younger people in the room giggle.


	3. Chapter 3

Waking up wasn't at all what Elena thought it would be like. She thought she would be disorientated, scared, maybe even not remember some things. Surprisingly though she was very alert when her eyes snapped open. She knew she was in some sort of box, probably a coffin. That made the most sense to her. It wasn't like the Salvator's were gonna lock her away in a room in their house for 70 odd years. Elena laughed at that thought. She pushed against the lid of the coffin and was surprised when it hardly resisted her force. It came up slowly and her eyes began to adjust to the new light exposure. It wasn't much different. She was in a dark room, with one window. It must be dark outside because only the dimmest bit of light shone through it. Elena was shocked again by just how alert she was. She felt good, she felt strong. She slowly lifted herself out of the coffin and stood. Her legs felt asleep but other than that she was at full strength. Elena stretched her arms and legs and then looked around. The dim light coming through the window was enough to illuminate the door on the far side of the room. She went to open it but was brought up short when it resisted loudly. It was locked. Elena sighed to herself and looked around the room again. She recognized the room she thought. Then it hit her. She was in the Salvatore crypt. _Damon._ The thought seared across her mind making her already alert senses come alive like she was immortal again. She had to see him. The door must be locked or something, but she had to get out of here, she had to get to him. She felt around the room for a heavy object of any sort but came up short. The only thing in the crypt was her coffin. Feeling the desperation for Damon growing she held her breath and walked towards the window anyway. Elena clenched her eyes shut and with a ragged yell to bring her confidence she smashed her bare fist through the window. It broke with a loud shattering noise. She then cleared the rest of the glass out of the barely big enough window. She could smell the fresh air, and she inhaled a few times deeply. The cemetery looked exactly the same as she remembered it. This only made her more excited. Next thing she knew she was through the window and jogging out of the cemetery.

It took her about an hour to walk to the boarding house. Though she had been asleep for god knows how long, the trek had made her tired. When the singular light on the porch came into view Elena's face broke into a huge grin. "Damon." She said aloud. It tasted so sweet in her mouth. He was on the other side of that door. She broke into a full sprint and bounded through the always unlocked door. "Damon!" She called. "Damon!" She stood in the foyer for a while waiting for him to woosh and appear right in front of her. He didn't though. Nothing happened. The house was dark and quiet. Elena made her way upstairs, turning on lights as she went. Damon's door was shut. She held her breath and tried to listen through the thick wood. Besides the sound of her thumping heart, it was silent. She excitedly pushed the door open anyway. She told herself that the door was just too thick to hear through. She reached for the light switch, knowing it would be right where it was the last time she was in this room. The last time she was held by Damon in here, kissed, loved. When the light illuminated the room Elena stopped. It was completely void of anything familiar. All the old furniture was exactly as she remembered it but other than that, it was all different. Damon's stuff, his energy even was gone. His room was empty. He wasn't here. Immediately she didn't want to believe that. She told herself that he had probably gotten a house of his own, or he had been traveling. There was probably a very reasonable explanation for this, and if she just stayed here, Stefan, Caroline, or Damon would find her and then she would see Damon. With this thought she walked over to the bed, his bed. Then she saw a black leather book, perched up against the pillows. A piece of paper was taped to it with her name scrawled across it in handwriting she would know anywhere. It was Damon's.

Elena climbed into his bed. The faintest hint of his smell wrapped around her and she wanted to bury herself in it. She grabbed the book, what she now saw was a journal, and settled back against the pillows it had just been propped on. She cracked the leather bind open and looked at the front page.

 _'Journaling is not my thing, so you better appreciate this. I love you.'_

Elena smiled down at the line. She could practically see his smirk. He had journaled for her. Her heart soared as she excitedly flipped the page.

 _'Dear Elena,_

 _I feel dumb right now. Dumb. Like Stefan. Maybe I should be crying and putting gel in my hair. Well I'm sure you're smiling right now so I guess that makes this worth it. I don't even know what i'm supposed to say. I made fun of Donovan relentlessly till he stomped his foot like an 8 year old girl and walked away, leaving me devastated, ha ha not really, but I think it made him feel better. Bonnie has met this guy that I hate. His name is Alan. I hate him Elena. He is like a human me. I try to tell her but she is completely idiotically in love with this guy. I'm worried about her. She is so dumb sometimes. And i'm not saying that just because she's stopped spending as much time with me. Blondie and Baby bro are off jetting around the world. Crazy huh, they fell in love and all that other mushy crap. Don't tell anyone but i'm happy for them. They compliment each other well, plus Blondie listens to Stefan now so if I want her to shut up it almost always happens. Well I don't know what else to say. So I guess i'm gonna go, and do this awkwardly again tomorrow._

 _I miss you Elena, so much. I never stop thinking about you, wanting to share things with you, wishing I could kiss you just one more time. I can't wait to see you. I love you._

Between crying and laughing it took Elena fifteen minutes to get through the paragraph on the page. He was exactly the same. Her Damon. He missed her so much. Elena's heart hurt then cause she knew he was hurting all this time. She wondered again just how long all this time really was. She shrugged for the moment and skipped some pages. A picture sat nestled into the page she stopped on and she picked it up. In the picture was a beautiful caramel colored baby wrapped in a blue blanket. That baby was nestled into the arms of her Damon. It made her gasp as she looked into his blue eyes, crinkled with a smile. He was breath taking. She flipped the picture over and in Bonnie's pretty script was written _Delanie and uncle Damon_. Tears sprang to Elena's eyes and dripped down onto the page. It was Bonnie's son, and Damon was holding him.

 _Dear Elena,_

 _Bonnie had Delanie tonight. He's beautiful. I don't know Elena maybe I was wrong about this Alan guy Bonnie married. He's still here you know and he looks so in love with that baby. I couldn't help but love him too. Bonnie did so good with all of this, she is going to be a great mom. It's hard to believe how much we disliked each other in the beginning, she is my best friend. Stefan and Caroline are in the dominican republic but send their love. I wish you could be here to enjoy this with me. Alan says I have baby fever. I punched him. Everyone other than blondie and Stefan came back for this. I got to sit with Jeremy for a while and talk. Sometimes it's like looking at you and it kinda makes me feel better. He is doing good by the way. He has thrown himself into this hunter thing, he is happy I guess. I'm just glad that he didn't kill showed up with facial hair. Freaked everyone out. No really, it's weird. He is good too. He's found a pack to run with and whatever else dog boys do. Bonnie asked me to be Delanie's godfather. Crazy right? She trusts me with that fragile little thing? I wouldn't. I'm not parent material Elena, I'm too selfish, to impulsive. I make bad decisions. She shouldn't trust me with something so special._

Elena chuckled through her tears and shook her head. "You'd be a wonderful dad silly." She whispered down to the page. She placed the picture back where it was and flipped through some more. She found another picture and stopped. This picture was of him and Bonnie. He was smiling his real smile, that crinkled up his eyes. His hair was windblown and he was wearing a light blue t-shirt and jeans. Bonnie had her hair up in a messy ponytail and was sporting what looked like a beach ball underneath what Elena could only assume was a hospital gown. She was glowing and smiling but Elena could see the glistening sweat on her head. They looked so happy. She turned her attention to the words on the accompanying page.

 _Dear Elena,_

 _Yes just two short years later our Bon Bon is currently in labor with her second child, Angela. I hate just sitting here waiting, not knowing what is happening. I brought her here and sat with her till Alan and everyone else got here. Blondie insisted on taking pictures before Bonnie went full on labor monster. Hence the picture you're probably holding right now._

 _So it only took 8 hours but she is here. Angela Marie. Spitting image of Bonnie. Guess I'm also her godfather, yay me. If she and Alan ever unexpectedly die you better come back fast cause I will be so screwed. I don't know how to do things like this. This was always your thing, so you have to hurry back to me cause I can't do this without you._

 _I wish you were here to see this baby. Bonnie's life is so beautiful, and it's all thanks to you. I love you Elena._

She kept reading Damon's entries well into the night. She found pictures of Damon with the kids at what looked like some sort of birthday party. He was right Angela looked just like Bonnie. Delenie was beautiful too. Damon looked so comfortable next to them. There was a picture of Stefan and Caroline, clad in Christmas outfits. Alaric and Jeremy toasting on new years. Bonnie and her husband, with Delanie and Angela. Barbecues, baseball games, dance recitals, vacations, beaches and cities, Stefan and Caroline kissing and smiling. Matt with his wife and two sons who looked just like him. Picture after picture, along with Damon's sarcastic narration of each event, usually followed by a sweet message about how much he loved and missed her. Elena was full on crying when she came to a slightly longer picture than what she had seen. It was a group photo. The faces easiest to pick out were Stefan's, Caroline's, and Damon's. All three looking at her with the same exact faces she's last seen. Not a single thing about them gave away just how much time had passed. If it had just been them in the picture she would think that this was from before she went to sleep. But there were others, and after a minute of looking she could pick out more faces. Matt, most of his hair grey and wrinkles around his eyes. His wife and two young men stood with him, smiling with unfamiliar faces. Jeremy with defined bone structure and glasses. Alaric with all grey hair, sitting in a chair, looking out with his soulful brown eyes from behind thick framed glasses. He looked elderly and weak. Bonnie was standing next to what Elena assumed was Angela and Delanie. They sure weren't kids anymore though. A spitting image of the Bonnie Elena remembered peered out of the picture through Angela's face and next to her Delanie looked like a sophisticated business man. Bonnie's face showed she had aged too, but not as much as the others. Her hair was still dark and her face was just the slightest bit wrinkled but she looked strong and healthy. Her husband was not there. She stood next to Damon who had a protective arm around her. They were all dressed to impress and smiling brightly. Elena looked to the page for an answer as to why.

 _Dear Elena,_

 _It's been exactly 38 years since we said goodbye to you. We decided to get together and celebrate your life, and all of our lives that we all in some way have you to thank for. It was an amazing night. It had been so long since we were all in one place together. We spent the entire night remembering you. And getting really drunk but that is beside point. Alaric can't keep up with me anymore, that old man. Gotta love him. It was really nice to do this. Now though i'm alone in bed, writing this to you and I just wish I could roll over and pull you close to me. I wish I could bury my face in your hair and actually tell you how much you mean to me, how badly I want to have a life with you. Sometimes the pain of missing you is so unbearable. The life I've had has been so full of so many things but I've never stopped feeling the hole that not having you has left. Some days I just want to turn it off. Some days I want to run away and not feel any of this. But I know I have to stay, I know you will come back and that I can still mess it all up and I don't want that. I don't want that. I just want you. I miss you._

She skipped to the last page hoping it might give her a clue as to where he was now, or how much time had passed. She wanted to see him so bad it hurt. As her eyes skimmed over the words her heart began to pound in her ears and then she was shaking. Sobs ripped their way through her chest as she clung to the book and the last words he had written her.

 _I know you are going to be pissed, but if there is anyone who can bring me back from the edge it's you. I know you will find me, I hope you'll forgive me for this one day. I love you, Elena._

"Elena?" Elena jumped at the sound of the quiet voice. She looked up with shocked eyes into wide blue ones that also had tears in them. Blonde curls fell to her friend's shoulders. For a moment the pure joy of seeing Caroline brought her back to the surface of pain she was drowning in and she could take a breath. "Caroline. Caroline!" Caroline ran to the bed and wrapped Elena in her arms. And then Elena was crying again.


	4. Chapter 4

"Elena, Oh my god Elena, you're awake." Caroline cooed in Elena's ear as she cried. The blonde crushed her friend to her body, needing the proof this was real. Since the day started all Caroline had been able to feel was the crushing weight of losing Bonnie. Pain was making her head reel and she was having trouble keeping her mind straight. In this moment though, Caroline didn't feel alone anymore. Elena was finally home.

Caroline peered over Elena's shoulder and saw the black journal lying open on the bed beside her ' _oh no'_ She thought. Caroline sat back and looked into Elena's familiar doe eyes. She was exactly the same, time had not changed her the way it had changed the others. Though her heart beat in her chest, she had stayed as perpetually young as Caroline had. "Care..." Elena whispered glancing over at the journal resting on the bed. Caroline felt the weight of it as if it were another body instead of a small book. Caroline looked anxiously from the leather bound journal to Elena's sad eyes. "I know." was all Caroline managed to squeak out. Elena furrowed her brow and looked around the room. "He's really gone." Elena mumbled. Caroline thought she sounded like she were convincing herself. Caroline took her hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

"Caroline?" Stefan called from downstairs. It was a quiet call, like he had been talking to someone right in front of him, rather than her. It didn't matter, Stefan knew she could hear him. Caroline was sure Elena hadn't heard it though. She put her best smile on and grabbed Elena's feeble hand. "C'mon, there's someone who wants to see you." Elena looked surprised but she followed Caroline willingly out of Damon's crypt of a bedroom and down the grand staircase. Caroline was holding her breath hoping that Stefan could preoccupy Elena's mind long enough for her to figure out what to do about Damon.

Caroline was pulling on Elena's arm like she had forgotten Elena was no longer a vampire like her. When the girls rounded the stairs and found themselves standing in the living room of the boarding house Elena stopped short. The room wasn't as dark and empty as it was when she first came in, in fact it was exactly the same as the last time she saw it before tonight. Right down to the amount of bourbon in the glass container on the rack, and the crackling fire in the fireplace.

That wasn't what stopped her though, what stopped her was the man standing next to the Bourbon table. His back was to them, and he was lightly touching the glasses there. His brown hair was gelled to messy perfection, as usual, and when he heard their approach he turned and green soulful eyes met hers. "Elena." Stefan breathed. Elena couldn't hold back the smile that stretched across her face. She ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. He caught her graciously and spun her around, holding her tightly to him. Elena had often dreamt about her friends while she was sleeping, but they were never quite right. Caroline's hair was never the right shade of blonde, Bonnie's laugh was never just right. Stefan never smelled right in her dreams, but even if he did it would be nothing compared to this feeling. The feeling of holding her friends, not molded by the hands of time, was the purest form of joy. "We missed you so much Elena." Stefan said in a thick voice now that her feet were firmly back on the ground. They regarded each other tenderly. "Ive missed you guys too" she said smiling. Then Elena turned around to include Caroline in their group hug, but when she spun all that was behind her was an open front door leading out into the night.

"C'mon Elena, I want to take you somewhere." Stefan said, leading her towards the front door.

"Where did Caroline go?" Elena asked. Stefan smiled nicely down at her.

"Probably to prepare Angela and Delanie, Bonnie's kids. We are going to meet them."

"Right now?" Elena panicked. She felt nerves course through her body and she nervously straightened her blue dress. Was she ready to meet Damon's God children? Bonnie's Children? Bonnie...

"Stefan?" Elena wondered quietly. He looked down at her politely, waiting for her to continue. "Bonnie?" She whispered. Pain flashed through the younger Salvatore's eyes. He looked away and took her hand, holding it tight. Then he silently shook his head. Of course Elena knew he would say that, she wouldn't be awake otherwise, but the reality of it hadn't hit her until this moment. Elena felt tears run down her face in streams and Stefan wrapped her in his arms. "Her life was long, and so full. She would want you to have the same now." He said quietly to her. Elena took a shakey breath, trying to stop the grief for a moment. When her head was clear enough she met Stefan's eyes and asked the next hardest question she could think of. "Damon?" More pain flashed in Stefan's eyes, but this time he didn't shake his head. He didn't give any answer at all. Instead he avoided her question. "We have a lot to fill you in on" Was all he said as he ushered her out of the door and down to an SUV Elena had never seen before.

Elena clenched her hands tightly together in her lap. Her emotions were raging way out of her control. She would cry for Bonnie, then lose her breath over Damon. Then excitement would fill her veins and she would be nauseous with nerves over meeting Bonnie s kids. The ride to Bonnie's house was unfamiliar and long. It felt like forever for Elena. They pulled up to an older looking teel house. Its ceiling rose high, like it was reaching for the moon. There were morning glories framing the doorway and tulips along the sidewalk. It was a beautiful house.

Once they were there Stefan blurred to her door and helped her out of her seat. The familiar feel of Stefan's hand was a comfort she desperately needed right now, so she squeezed it and didn't let go once she was out of the SUV. He smiled encouragingly at her as he guided her up the tulip lined walkway.

Elena didn't know why she was so nervous. Her hands were sweating and shaking. She tried to remember the faces in Damon's pictures. Angela, who looked so much like Bonnie it made Elena's heart hurt. Delanie, a handsome, light skinned boy with light eyes. She could do this.

Caroline opened the door for them with a huge smile. The time that had passed did nothing to deter Caroline's enthusiasm about anything. Stefan smiled back at her, thankful for her presence. Elena could see it now, the way they completed each other. She wondered how it had taken them so long to realize it themselves.

"Come in Elena. Cmon." Caroline urged, taking her hand from Stefans and wrapping it between her own dainty hands. Elena obliged, hesitating only a second or two. Once inside Elena could practically feel Bonnie's presence. The house was definitely hers. The wood furniture in the living room was a dark mocha brown, the couches only fractionally lighter. A grey blue covered the walls and earthy smells filled the room. Elena was again reminded that her being awake meant Bonnie was really gone. She would never see her friend again. Her heart caught in her throat, so much about returning felt a whole lot like leaving.

When she could catch her breath Elena looked around the room for any signs of people and was surprised to see none. She shot a questioning glance at Caroline who was watching Stefan.

"I thought." Elena started

"There's someone who wants to see you first." Caroline chimed in. Elena's heart skipped a beat. Was Damon here? Could they have found him and brought him back without her? She looked towards the hall expectantly.

An older man shuffled out of one of the closed doors. He moved slow, but of his own accord. He had no walker or cane. Elena could tell he had once been very physically fit. His hair was a shining white but wasn't thinned at all. When he stepped into the living room he looked up to meet Elena's eyes.

Elena searched the familiar brown eyes for only a second before she gasped In recognition. "Jeremy?" she asked. A goofy smile spread across his aged face and fat tears cut a path down his wrinkled cheeks. "Elena." He breathed. His voice was raspier and deeper but it was still his voice. Elena heard a sob break through the silence was surprised to realize it came from her. Then she was running. She ran the few steps it took to stand in front of Jeremy and about threw herself into his arms. At the last second Elena thought of how feeble he looked and stopped. she wrapped him into a careful hug. He held her tightly, tighter than she had expected him to. "you're still here." Elena cried into his shoulder. The years that had passed were clear on his face, but he still felt like the Jeremy she remembered. His shoulders were sure, and his arms were strong. He smelled like the woods, and like home. Jeremy chuckled through his tears. "I wouldn't leave without seeing you again Lena." Elena laughed gratefully and pulled away. His eyes were alight with joy. "you're so old." She said more to herself than to him. He chuckled at her forwardness. "How long has it been Jer?" she asked. Jeremy's brow wrinkled and he hesitantly looked towards Caroline and Stefan.

"it's been 72 years." He said cautiously. Elena's eyes grew wide. It had been nearly a century since She'd gone to sleep. She tried to picture the faces again in the picture. Damon had said That was 38 years after, making that picture over 35 years old. She realized with a start the faces she saw probably looked nothing like they did now. "oh jeremy" Elena whispered as she realized how long Jeremy had lived. More tears slipped down her cheeks as she allowed herself to understand, for most of them their lives were ending. He gave her a weak smile but otherwise said nothing.

"Elena." Caroline called. Elena turned around and saw Caroline standing with two older versions of the kids she'd watch grow through Damon's pictures. Angela was Caroline's height. Her face was mature and tired looking and nervous but she otherwise stood confident next to Caroline. Delanie was much taller than Caroline and he had some grey hair throughout his hair but he too looked confident and strong.

Elena cautiously approached them and did her best to smile. Standing in front of them Elena could see Bonnie so prominently in both of them. "Elena this is Angela and Delanie, Bonnie's children. Guys this is Elena." Elena approached them with her mouth slightly agape. Not only were they adults, they were middle aged adults. Their lives half over. Angela was the first to speak. In the same voice Bonnie used to use when she was trying to be strong. She stuck out her hand and gave Elena a tight lipped smile. "I feel like we have known you all our lives. It's nice to finally meet you." Elena took Angela;s hand in both of hers and smiled at her. Then Delanie stepped forward. "She's right, everyone has told us so many things about you its like you were here with us growing up. You being here is a great relief from the pain losing our mother has caused."

"I'm so sorry about Bonnie. I'm sorry that she had to go for me." Elena said sincerely. Delanie surprised her by wiping away a tear that had escaped and ran down Elena's face. "Without your sacrifice we wouldn't be here right now. My mom lived a wonderful, full life. If anything we owe you a thank you." Elena smiled warmly at the man in front of her. Bonnie had passed her selflessness and willingness to sacrifice to her children.

"You are just like your mother. Both of you." Elena said regarding both of them. Angela wiped away tears that pooled over the rims of her eyes, but Delanie smiled a knowing smile and looked up, regarding something Elena couldn't see.

Caroline ushered Jeremy into the room and they all sat around the coffee table. The kids spent the next couple hours filling Elena in on their lives. On Bonnie and their father, on how he was scared off by their powers but since the day the discovered them Bonnie had been nothing but open and supportive. They talked about growing up with Caroline, and poked fun at what a control freak she could be. Elena shared stories with them about their high school days, and how Bonnie and her used to think the same thing. Stefan was left to comfort Caroline who mocked being hurt. Angela told her about Damon, something that made everyone else in the room grow silent. She told Elena that he had been the best part of their lives growing up. How he was always there, how he never left them waiting, never let them down. She explained his relationship with Bonnie, and how he kept her going when things got rough after Alan left, and how she kept him happy when he would start hurting over Elena. They talked about Alaric, and how he was always the crazy uncle. Stable and reliable, but always ready to do something crazy. They said they missed him a lot.

"So is that why Damon left?" Elena asked hesitantly. Four pairs of shocked eyes found Elena's and Caroline just bit her lip nervously. "How did you know he left?" Angela askes. Elena noted that no one said that he had flipped his switch, but was sure everyone knew. Elena laughed humorlessly.

"Even if I hadn't found his journal, and he hadn't of wrote down the moment he decided to leave, I would know. Damon wouldn't have missed this, not just because of me, but he would have wanted to be here with Bonnie. He loved her, and he loved all of you so much. If he hadn't of left, he would be here." Angela stared down at the floor, fighting back emotion Elena didn't quite understand. She seemed almost angry.

"We don't really know." Delanie spoke up. Elena searched his eyes for a lie but came up short.

"Ric's death was hard on him. We could all tell he wasn't quite himself afterwards."

"Yeah I mean first rose, then my mom, then Ric. You know Damon hated getting close to people and losing them was even harder. He was the first one Damon had to face without you. It kind of spun him out." Caroline mumbled. Elena nodded in understanding. She was there to witness what Rose's death had done to him, she watched him agonize over Liz's eulogy. Ric had been his friend for so long. Damon wouldn't have handled it well.

"After the funeral he stopped coming around as much. We still saw him, and he would always answer if we called but not mom as much." Angela said. "He would ignore her phone calls every now and again, and if she would invite him over he would tell her he was busy. A few years go by and we would only see him on the holidays, or major events like when Damien was born, that's my son."

"That was actually one of the last times we saw him. It was about a year later that he left, no note, no call. Ever since then he has just been gone. His phone is off, he has himself cloaked from locator spells. There has just been nothing." Delanie finished for Angela.

"And how long ago was that?" Elena directed her question now at Stefan and Caroline.

"Seven years now." It was Jeremy who answered. "All of us searched relentlessly, Matt passed away about two years in. We stopped for a while after that. His sons were devastated." Jeremy stopped to rub a hand down his elderly face. "Caroline, Stefan, and I resumed a little while later. Then some time after that Tyler was back on board. Tyler and I are old men now though, there is only so much we can do and Stefan and Caroline have done everything they can, but he doesn't want to be found Elena." Elena was reeling trying to wrap her mind around this. Matt was gone, something else that shouldn't have surprised her but did. He was the only just human left in their group, it was amazing he lasted as long as he did. Her heart was getting used to the idea that the happiness of waking up was going to be coupled with twice the pain.

Then there was Damon. Damon had been gone for seven years. He knew Bonnie was getting older, he knew Angela had just had a son, he knew she would be waking up soon and he left anyway. Elena wanted to be angry with him for choosing this, but all she could feel was fear. Her heart dropped to her stomach as she came to terms with all he had missed. He was going to be eaten alive by his grief when she brought him back.

"We had all but given up Elena." Stefan said. He was looking at the floor with his shoulders slumped in a familiar look of self loathing. Elena shook her head, the Salvatore men were the worst at taking responsibility for other people's choices. "Then we got the call about Bonnie." He said with a sympathetic glance towards Angela and Delanie.

"So you think I can find him? Even though all of you couldn't?" Elena asked incredulously. Stefan pursed his lips "I think now that you're back, he will want to be found." Out of the corner of her eye Elena saw angela shake her head. She couldn't imagine how hard this must be for her. She never had her father, her mother just died, and the man she looked up to all her life left. Now everyone was sitting around talking like Elena's presence would mean more than theirs did. Elena felt for them. They loved and missed him too.

"I think we should get some sleep. The sun will be up in a couple hours. Damien will be up early." Angela said sounding very tired. Everyone in the room nodded in agreement. After a loving good night hug, Angela led Jeremy back to the room he had emerged out of. Caroline and Stefan told Angela that they were going to take Elena back to the boarding house, and that the three of them would be staying there. Delanie walked them to the door and wished them all a goodnight. Then the three were off, back towards the boarding house.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay ! I'm so so so so so sorry it's been so long since I updated ! I've had a crazy week and I've been super busy! I'm still not quite done but I had to update for you guys. I know it's short but I promise more soon! Thanks so much for the reviews !**

* * *

 **Elena slept in Damon's room that night. She tried to picture him there, next to her. The room was so empty of anything that belonged to him though, it was a hard thing to do. His smell was faint on the sheets, but Elena took comfort in it anyway. She could only imagine how hard this very thing must have been for Damon. Laying in bed, wishing she were here, knowing she wouldn't come. How could she blame him for turning it off? It was only her first night and she felt like she was drowning. He did it for 65 years.**

 **Elena knew she had to find him. She had to bring him home, not just for her, for the family he had built. For Angela and Delanie, and little Damien. For Stefan and Caroline. They needed him too. Elena vowed she would find him somehow, and bring him back, because he deserved to see how much he was loved and needed. Damon needed to know that even if Elena wasn't there, he mattered. They just had to get through Bonnie's funeral.**

 **The next couple days passed in a hazy blur. Elena was sad a lot of the time. She missed Damon. The memory of him, and the sting of his absence followed her everywhere. Caroline took her to get a new ID and cell phone. Then they spent an afternoon restocking elena's (actually damon's.) Closet. Caroline tried to convince her to take a different room, but Elena insisted on staying in Damon's. Mostly though, they spent their time with angela and delanie and angela's son.**

 **When things got really hard while planning Bonnie's funeral she would find herself wishing Damon would show up. That he would hold her like he often did when she was upset. He never showed though and Elena was left alone with her grief over Bonnie. Never really feeling like she had a right to grieve. Angela and Delanie lost their mom, the woman who raised them. Bonnie was etched into every part of their lives. Caroline and Stefan had been here, they had watched her age, watched her live, they were mourning the friend they'd had for 70 years. Elena had been gone so long, she'd already lost Bonnie all those years ago. To feel it now, felt almost rude in comparison to all these people just now losing her.**

 **Angela and Caroline planned a beautiful service. In the same church where they had Caroline's mom's funeral. Angela made sure to have bonnies favorite flowers, and her favorite music. Delanie spoke beautifully about his mother, and lots of people shared loving accounts of how Bonnie had been a light for them throughout their journeys. They buried her next to her father in the mystic falls cemetery.**

 **So many people showed up it was hard to believe. Tyler came and Elena spent a lot of time sitting with the now elderly man. Him and Jeremy both wouldn't be far behind Bonnie, and Elena knew it, but for now she got to enjoy the fact that she got to see them both, one last time. They had lived wonderful lives, so full of adventure, and beauty. After the start they all had, she was glad that this would be how it ended, at least for half of them. On a sunny day, home in mystic falls, surrounded by family and loved ones. It was a future none of them dared to dream of.**

 **After the funeral, most people went back to Bonnie's house. Everyone shared stories about Bonnie and Elena was amazed again by how full Bonnie's life must have been. So many people loved her, and they should have. She had been a rock for Elena when they were young, and she touched everyone like that. Even Damon couldn't help but love her with all his heart.**

 **People didn't clear out until well into the night. Damien had been asleep for about an hour when the last unknown person left and then Elena sat in Bonnie's living room with Tyler, Jeremy, Caroline, Stefan, Angela, and Delanie. The group was quiet and solemn, all in their own stages of grief. For Tyler and Jeremy it was also a state of acceptance that their generation was coming to an end, even with all the immortality floating around.**

" **excuse me" Angela said quietly then ducked out of the room into one one the bedrooms. Delanie watched her curiously but said nothing.**

" **Elena?" Caroline said. She was watching Elena with red rimmed eyes. Caroline was hurting, losing Bonnie was too hard, elenas presence couldn't fix it, no matter how happy they were to have her back. Elena slid over to the side of the couch Caroline was on and wrapped her arms around her. Caroline took a couple deep breaths and squeezed Elena's arms. "we have to find him elena." She whispered. Elena felt the tears she hadn't let herself cry all day begin to spill out. "He should have been here, she would have wanted him here." Caroline cried quietly. Though surprised to hear Caroline voice this, Elena just nodded, knowing it was the truth. Bonnies funeral had been perfect, except for one major thing, her best friend was missing.**

 **The girls cried together quietly, not only for the loss of their friend but for the pain of Damon's absence. No matter what their personal opinions, family should be together at a time like this. Stefan pursed his lips and looked away from the girls. He was choked up with emotion, but Elena wasn't sure if it was for Bonnie or for Damon, or for both. Jeremy and Tyler sat quietly, watching the scene.**

 **When Angela emerged again a few minutes later she had a green book in her hand, and tears in her eyes. Everyone in the room watched her expectantly. She sat back down in her chair across from Elena and held the book out to her. In a weak voice she said "this was one of my mom's journal that she kept for you, her last one. The others are boxed up, and I'll get them down for you, but you needed to have this one now." Elena took the book and held it carefully, like it was a fragile baby bird that would fall to it's death if she moved the wrong way. "why?" Elena asked as she examined the ordinary looking green journal. Elena turned it over and something thick fell out of the back side. It was an envelope. Elena picked it up as the others leaned in to get a look at it. Bonnie had written Damon's name on it.**

 **Elena glanced at Angela questioningly. The younger Bennet watched the envelope like it would blow up, then released a long breath. "Mom wrote it for Damon right before she went. I don't know if you'll ever find him Elena, and I don't know if you can bring him back, but you're her best shot at getting her last words to her best friend. She knew it, we all know it." Delanie had a supportive arm around his sister's shoulders. She leaned into him heavily and tried to stop the onslaught of tears.**

 **Elena held the envelope in her hands. She traced the letters with her eyes several times, trying to will herself to have an answer. Usually Damon didn't hide, especially when his humanity was off. Whatever he was doing, he meant not to be found. The truth was, she had no idea how to find him, or where to even start looking. Her hope of ever seeing Damon again was getting smaller with each passing day.**

 **That night, when the group had finally dispersed, Elena laid in Damon's bed and cracked open Bonnie's journal. Her earthly smell wafted off the pages in thick waves and Elena smiled as she took it in. As Elena examined the page she realized that even as Bonnie got older her handwriting stayed the same flowing script. Elena could pretend that the Bonnie she remembered had sat on a bench some where and wrote this, though she knew it was actually an elderly woman with Bonnies eyes that poured her heart out on these pages.**

 _ **Dear Elena,**_

 _ **Still no sign of Damon. Five years have gone by and I haven't heard a word. Must be weird for you by now. Maybe you're sitting with him reading this, and you're both laughing about it. I wish I could be there for that.**_

 _ **Damien turned six today and we had a huge party. Caroline and Stefan came. I'm so happy they have each other now. I can see it in Stefan that being without his brother is killing him. He keeps his brave face on, like usual. The sun was shining and everyone was laughing. It felt like I was young again, like we were young again. Playing in our backyards with our families that were not yet broken by tragedy. I wish you could have been here with us. It was the exact thing we used to dream about when we thought about our futures.**_

 _ **I often visit the crypt and talk to you, especially now that Damon is gone. In my old age I've grown to be a lonely woman. My kids are grown, raising families of their own, my ex husband has disappeared from my life, and now I can't even find Damon. I can't help but feel alone Elena. I miss you. Love always**_

 _ **Bonnie**_

 **Every page was filled like that. A mixture of full and beautiful, lonely and sad, happy and light, dark and angry. Bonnie would have her days where she would be angry at Damon, and would just need to vent, so shed write it down for Elena. Then there were other days where she was just appreciative to have known him, happy he had been there at all. Elena found herself feeling these things with her friend as the journal continued. By the time she reached the end, she felt not so alone in her grief because for the first time since she woke up she didn't feel like she missed Bonnie's entire life. Elena didn't feel like an outsider looking in so much anymore, and it was taking the sting out of losing her.**

 **As the sun began to rise and Elena read over the last page she felt a determination building in her chest. Bonnie was asking, with her dying breath for Elena to do something for her. Something for her kids. It was her best friend's dying wish that she bring Damon home and she wasn't going to waste anymore time.**

 **Elena rolled out of bed and ran for the bathroom. After a quick shower she threw her hair up in a ponytail, then went to the closet. Through all the funeral plans, Elena hadn't hung up the clothes Caroline had bought her. They sat in bags just inside the closet door. She dug through them until she found a pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt. Then throwing on her tennis shoes she started re stuffing the clothes into the bags.**

 **Then something in the back of the closet caught her eye. There were boxes piled high in the dark back corner of the closet. Elena stared at them questioningly, wondering what they could possibly be. She set her bags of clothes outside the closet door and pulled one of the boxes into the light.**

 **She opened them slowly, feeling guilty but not remembering there ever being any boxes in here. Inside the box, a cell phone sat on top. Elena didn't recognize the phone. She picked it up and set it aside. Then she rummaged through the rest of the box, and gasped in delight. There he was. In four boxes in the back of his closet was all the things missing from his room that made Damon's room Damon's. It was all right there. Clothes, personal items, toiletries, the bubble bath that smelled just like he did. There were picture frames with pictures of them together in some of the boxes, letters, photo albums, jewelry. Then Elena stopped. Picking up a piece of jewlery, her happy smile slid off of her face. Elenas heart pounded in her chest.**

 **The ring she picked up was bulky and heavy. It weighed her hand down like the thoughts it evoked weighed her mind down. It was Damon's daylight ring. He hadn't took it with him.**


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys I just wanted to let everyone know that my next updates will probably come slowly. I have a crazy week ahead of me and I'm trying to help my friend who just lost her father. So bear with me, I will update every chance I get. I appreciate all the reviews and people who are taking the time to read my stories! It means so much to Me! Enjoy the chapter (:

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"Elena?" Caroline peaked into Damon's bedroom door. She thought she had heard Elena start the shower. Elena was sitting on the floor in front of the walk in closet. She was holding something in her hand, frozen in place. "Elena?" Caroline said again, concern growing in the pit of her stomach. Slowly Elena turned her head and met Caroline's worried eyes. Her eyes were clear but submerged in terror. "It's his ring." She said flatly. Caroline cocked her head to the side, not understanding at first. Then she zeroed in on the thing in Elena's hand immediately gasped. Damon's daylight ring.

Caroline then took in the rest of the things surrounding Elena. There were empty boxes just inside the open closet door, and Elena sat amid a circle of Damon's personal items. Clothes were strewn across the floor, picture frames and books piled high next to her lap. Then something caught Caroline's eye, shining beneath a black shirt. She bent slowly and picked up the sleek cell phone. It was also Damon's. No wonder he hadn't answered any of their calls. "Caroline." Elena said in a shaky voice. Caroline looked to her friend. "He isn't ..?" She left the question open, but the fear in Elena's face made it evident what she was asking. Caroline's eyebrows shot up. "What? No! Of course not. Didn't he write in his journal that he expected you to bring him back? He wouldn't do that." Caroline reasoned frantically. Elena's eyes wandered to the window, where the now fully risen sun was peaking through the curtains. "Elena! Don't do that. He is fine. We are going to find him." Caroline pulled on her friend's arm, pulling her attention back to her.

"Caroline, what's going o-" Stefan walked into the room, obviously hearing the commotion. He stopped when he saw the girls knelt on the floor, surrounded by all things Damon. "What is going on? Elena?" Stefan regarded them both with weary eyes. Their expressions were horrified and frantic. "He didn't take his daylight ring Stefan." Elena said, void of all emotion. Stefan's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. "Why would he not take his daylight ring? How is he getting around without it?" Stefan asked.

"He isn't obviously. Not unless he is only traveling at night." Caroline said, feeling more calm with Stefan in the room. Then suddenly Elena came to life. She sprang off the floor. "Maybe he did it to save himself, not kill himself." Caroline and Stefan just gave her confused looks. "A way to control him, a way to stop him if need be. A reason to stop himself. It gives us and him so means of control, even though his humanity is off."

"The monster's weakness." Stefan said quietly, deliberating to himself. Caroline watched as fear and confusion bloomed into hope behind her friend and husband's eyes. They believed in this idea. Caroline was doubtful though. It sounded way too planned out for how everything happened. Damon just left one night. There was no warning, no build up. He was just gone. Caroline didn't want to believe he had been planning it. That would mean he had known he was going to leave them. Leave Stefan, and Bonnie, and he didn't say a word. The idea made her too angry.

"He's out there somewhere Stefan." Elena said hopefully. "He wanted us to find him." Stefan met her eyes, mirroring her hope. It scared Caroline as much as it warmed her to see him look like that. Stefan had just about given up hope for his brother. He had a new sense of purpose now, but Caroline couldn't help but wonder if his was just another rabbit hole to fall into.

"I'm going to Georgia Caroline." Caroline had been trying to talk her out of this plan all afternoon. Damon had taken her to Georgia once, to a place he liked to hang out, so Elena had decided she was going to start her search there. Caroline had told her that they had searched Georgia already, that they had searched every state surrounding them and then the next one multiple times already, but she was adamant. "You searched there during the day, you searched for strings of violence or murders, you didn't go at night, you didn't just search for him." Elena had argued. While She had been right, Caroline was still against the idea. "At least let us come with you." Stefan pleaded, but Elena argued that too. "If I find him, he isn't going to respond well to you guys. He will rebel, he will try to run, he will think you are trying to trick him. I need to be alone, just in case he actually is there." They didn't like the idea but Elena wasn't faltering. She was set on her plan. "He won't hurt me." She said. They couldn't deny that, even with his humanity off, Damon wouldn't hurt Elena. "I got Bonnie with me." Elena said tapping her bag's front pocket. She had secured Bonnie's letter to Damon there. She was bringing it as her fail safe. If she couldn't get his humanity back on, the letter would.

Reluctantly Stefan and Caroline let her pack up their SUV. With a few more "are you sures" and "We could just stay out of sights" they waved her off and let her go, alone. Elena wasn't sure he actually would be in Georgia, she knew it was sort of a long shot, but it was a place to start. Elena couldn't just sit around and do nothing anymore, she needed to be looking. Damon's ring was pushing into her thigh from inside the pocket she had securely stuffed it in. For the first time since she woke up she felt like she was doing something helpful.

Well into the night Elena pulled into the parking lot of Bree's bar. Yes, Damon had killed her, but the place was still up and running, and by word on the street, still being run by a witch. If he were in Georgia, he would come here. Elena pushed through the heavy door and took in the familiar bar. The memories the place evoked felt like someone else's life, but the bar looked exactly the same. Dimly lit, warm and small. Elena could practically see Damon and Bree making out in front of her.

She scanned the room for any signs of him but didn't find anything. He wasn't there, at least not yet. She settled herself down at the bar. "What can I get you honey." The bartender was a young dark skinned girl. She looked oddly familiar but Elena couldn't quite place it. "Just a water thanks. I'm waiting on someone." The bartender smiled at her as she poured the glass of water. "Aren't we all honey? Anyone in particular? Maybe I know them." Elena smiled politely. "Maybe you do, his name is Damon Salvatore." The bartender's smile dropped slowly. She looked Elena up and down then. Drinking in her appearance like she was the beer in the young woman's hand. "Yeah I know Damon. He isn't allowed in here, and hasn't been for many, many years. So many that no one your age should even know about him." Elena laughed at this comment. "So he hasn't been here any time in the last 7 years?"

"He came in once. About 2 years ago. He was very drunk. Carrying on with this and that. I told him to leave and he started carrying on about mountains and motel rooms, So i made him leave. Never saw him again after that."

"Mountains?" Elena questioned. The bartender shrugged and walked down the bar to tend to a customer. Mountains? Elena thought. Then it clicked. Mountains and a motel? Was he talking about Denver? Could he really have gone back to that motel? Why would he though? What was the point of going there?

"Ive heard about you." The voice wasn't one she recognized. Elena turned and saw a young man, maybe about her age, sat in the bar stool next to hers. He had dark hair and sad eyes. He didn't make eye contact with her. Elena's eye brows knitted together "Excuse me?"

"You're Elena. The girl both Salvatore brothers fell for, almost died for multiple times. Then a powerful witch put you into a body preserving slumber and linked your life with your best friend's so that you couldn't wake up until she died. I've heard about you." The square ste of his jaw was familiar, and every once in awhile he would scrunch his face in a way that tried to stir a memory in Elena. "Who are you?" She asked.

"I'm a little offended you don't remember me. I only almost killed your boyfriend right in front of you. At this very bar even" He didn't sound menacing when he said this, he actually sounded tired. There was no tension in the posture of his shoulders, and he didn't radiate animosity. He just seemed sad. "Lee?" Elena whispered as realization dawned on her. She was very drunk that night but she could remember it clearly now. Damon layin in the parking lot, Lee about to set him on fire for killing Lexi. Elena begged for his life, and Lee spared him for the sake of love, even though Elena didn't know she loved him then.

Lee smiled without any humor and finally looked up into her eyes. "You're a long way from home little bird. I take it that your friend has died since you are awake." Elena sipped her water nervously, not really sure what Lee's intentions were. Elena nodded her answer. Lee made a sympathetic noise. "Sorry about your friend Elena. It's never easy to lose a person you love." Taken back by his sincerity Elena's eyes filled with tears. "Thank you." Finally the young bartender returned. "Hey Lee, the usual?" Lee nodded politely at the girl but otherwise said nothing. Elena tried to reign in her emotions before she spoke again.

"What are you doing here little bird?" Elena cocked her head at the nickname but answered him anyway. "Looking for Damon actually." Lee laughed suddenly making Elena jump. "Well he isn't here. Not anymore anyway." Lee watched as Elena's face fell. He furrowed his brow as he sipped the brown drink the bartender slid to him. "He's been in and out of town for the last few years. I've been sorta keeping up with him." Now it was Elena's turn to furrow her brow. "Why? You hate Damon." Elena tried not to get her hopes up. She couldn't help the elation she felt at hearing he was alive though. Lee chuckled quietly to himself. He tipped his chin down in a bashful manner "Because someone once told me that I was good, because Lexi loved me and she was good. So when I saw him, I thought about what Lexi would do." Elena listened intently, anxious to hear about Damon. " I figured he was spiraling. Id heard the story about you and him, and your friend Becky?" "Bonnie." Elena corrected.

"Yeah Bonnie. I knew that's why he was spiraling. Losing someone you love, it's like losing the essence of who you are. It's like you'd flown away and a tornado blew him away. And if that were enough the only way he was ever gonna see you again was by losing the next best thing. His best friend. Id spiral if I was him to." LEE finished his drink and motioned for another one. He turned his eyes away from Elena and watched the bar intently. "I chose to help him, cause that's what Lexi would do. I tried to convince him to turn his humanity back on, I tried to reign him in. But mostly I ended up just cleaning up his messes. He hadn't been one for subtlety. I cleaned up his trail, kept his havok out of the news. I knew one day you'd fly back and come looking for him."

"Why all the bird references?" Elena asked, her curiosity peaking.

'Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches on the soul.' Its a Dickinson quote from one of her earlier poems. You are Damon's hope, his little bird perched in his soul. The only time he was human at all was when I brought you up. He said you had selflessly and without fight gave up your life and never even considered asking him to choose you. Then he said he made the wrong choice and he was gone again. There is a part of him still in there some where, but I'm not Lexi. I couldn't reach it." Lee downed his drink and toyed with the glass. Elena took a minute to process the information she was given. Damon was alive, and was still thinking of her. Apparently he was a monster, and the reason Stefan never found a trail was because Lee had been cleaning up after him.

"Do you know where he is now?" Elena asked hopefully.

"No. Last I saw him he was here. About two years ago when Cami here kicked him out." Lee made a subtle gesture to the young bartender. "His next stop was me and we fought. I couldn't really tell you why now, probably because he's a dick. Then he left town and told me hed kill me if i followed him. So i didnt follow him." Elenas hope plummeted back down to almost nothing. She was right back where she started. No one had seen him in two years, and no one knew where to even begin looking. She nervously sipped her water. Maybe Caroline and Stefan had been right, this plan was ridiculous.

"Hey." LEE said softly and out a hand on her knee. Elena looked at him curiously. "I don't know where Damon is, but I know he used a witch to cloak himself so he couldn't be located, and I know where that person is." Elenas eyes snapped to Lee's eyes, looking for any sign of deceit. He was watching her reaction carefully. He looked a little frightened but otherwise sincere. Elena felt her heart beat speed up as she made a decision she hoped would be the right choice. "Can you take me to them?"


	7. Chapter 7

"Caroline, please relax." Stefan groaned. It had been two days since Elena left for Georgia. She had called that night and told them Damon wasn't in Georgia. Elena told them that she had found a lead though and would call when she knew more and ever since then Caroline had been strung tight. She was currently pacing in the kitchen in front of her breakfast plate.

"I can't Stefan. Do you know how upset Damon's gonna be if he comes home one day and we have to tell him "Well Damon we let your very human, very vulnerable girl friend jet off after you into a sea of your enemies all by herself, and well she sorta died. Could you imagine his spiral then?" her heels were clicking loudly against the wood floor. The noise was beginning to give Stefan a headache. "Caroline are you sure this is about Damon?" he asked in yet another desperate attempt to understand why she was so worked up.

"what else would it be about?" she stopped pacing and leveled her eyes at him, daring him to challenge her. Stefan stood slowly and walked around the counter to stand In front of his fiancee. "I don't know Care, maybe the fact that your best friend just died, and your other one just took off." he put his hands on her shoulders to hold the blonde in place. She met his green eyes with stern blue ones. He touched her cheek lightly and then tears were flowing down her face. She tried to turn her head to escape his gaze but He places his other hand on her cheek, cupping her face. Stefan wiped the tears off her face and kissed her sweetly. She kissed him back lovingly at first, and then her kiss grew more desperate. She pressed her body against his, pushing him up against the counter. He put his hands on the small of her back and pulled her close. She tangled her fingers in his hair and that was his que.

Stefan untangled himself from her hold but leaned his forehead on hers. She was searching his eyes for a reason behind the red light. Stefan smiled at Caroline but shook his head. "It's okay to not be okay Care. You don't have to be put together all the time." Caroline pouted up at Stefan.

"you're my fiancee Stefan, you're allowed to take advantage of me." At this Stefan laughed and kissed her lightly on the lips. "I love you." he muttered against her lips. She smiled "I love you too." Suddenly Stefan growled playfully with a devilish grin, and swooped Caroline up on his arms. She squealed in delight as he blurred them up stairs into his room.

"You should take your own advice you know." Caroline was laying on Stefan's chest. They had opted to spend the rest of the day in bed. Stefan was absentmindedly running his hand through her now messy hair. "what do you mean?" he muttered. She propped her chin on his chest and looked up at him. Her eyes were bright and her head was moving with Stefan's slow, even breathing. "It's okay that you miss your brother. You don't have to hide it from me." Stefan regarded her carefully. She still surprised him even after all these years. Through everything she was going through Stefan was sure she had no idea how much he missed Damon.

Stefan ran his finger down her cheek as he gazed at her. "I'm fine." She tilted her head towards the touch but stared back unwaveringly. "You aren't." She stated. Stefan pursed his lips, knowing he Couldn't argue with her for long. "I'm here for you. You can talk to me." She pushed.

"I know Care. It's not that I don't think I can talk to you. I just don't know what to say. I miss my brother. I miss him every day and I wish he was here to help me get through losing Bonnie. I wish he was here so I wouldn't have to see Elena look so hurt and alone all the time. I'm angry at my brother. I'm so angry sometimes it consumes me because he was so selfish. I thought selfish Damon was a thing of the past and here we are. Everyone hurting, putting themselves in danger to clean up his messes yet again. And yet it's because I love him and miss him so much that I know I'll always be there, that Elena will always be there. Once you care for Damon, it's hard to not to."

Caroline listened intently as something in Stefan broke open. Words kept pouring out much to both of their surprises. Caroline had a way of loosening him up like this, making him feel like it's okay to put his thoughts into words and speak them out loud. Much like how he calmed her down, made her contemplate, and think before she spoke.

"What Damon did was selfish, but what he has done has been so selfless. He spent 65 years without the only person who quiets his storm, and he did it gracefully. He was an amazing friend to Bonnie, and role model for her kids. He helped her live a beautiful life and never once faltered. Sometimes the waves crash on the best of us. I couldn't imagine having to live without you." Caroline kissed his chest after saying this and Stefan hugged her close. "You'll never have to." He murmured. She sighed happily and laid her head back on his chest.

"You know" he started with a smile in his voice "it sounded like you just defended Damon. That's twice now you've said something that makes it seem like you may actually care for him." Stefan was downright smug. Caroline playfully smacked his arm and in response he flipped her over pinning her to the bed. Caroline giggled, all worries about Elena and Damon and Bonnie behind her, at least for now.

"There. It's done." Elena stared hopefully at the witch, Jennifer, as she finished up a spell. Jennifer had been a friend of a friend to Damon, according to her. He had come to her and threatened her to cast a spell to cloak him, one that was bound by and could only be broken with a specific person's blood. Lucky for Elena that specific person happened to be her. "He said it was imperative that you and only you could be the one to find him. He said he didn't care about any else." Jennifer had told her and Lee.

"So I can track him now?" Elena asked doubtfully. Her and Lee spent a day and a half trying to find this woman, who ended up being right outside of Georgia. Then they had to convince her that she could trust them. Elena had been ready to give up when Lee had asked her to try again. "c'mon Elena, you can't give up yet." He had said to her. "wait? Did you say Elena? Like Elena Gilbert?" Jennifer had said. That's when she told them about the spell she cast. Now it was done.

"Yes. If you have a relatives blood and a personal item you should be able to find him." Elena's hand automatically went to the ring in her pocket as she cursed herself for not thinking to bring Stefan's blood. She would just have to go home. Angela could do the spell there and then she could set out to find Damon. "Thank you, so much." Elena said sincerely.

"just make sure Damon knows this makes us even. He can no longer ask me for any more favors." She said sternly.

"You won't hear from him again." Elena said confidently. Then she turned on her heel and grabbed Lee by the wrist and led him out of the strange witch's house.

"I have to go home now." Elena told Lee on the way back to the bar where they had left her borrowed SUV. Lee nodded. "I know." Lee smiled at her like he knew something she didn't. "Thank you, for helping me, and for helping him. You might not have been able to reach his humanity, but you saved him anyway." Elena said resting a hand on her new friends shoulder. Lee actually smiled for what Elena suspected was the first time in a rather long time. "Thank you Elena, for always reminding me why it pays to be the better man." Elena smiled gratefully at him. They drove the rest of the way in silence. The dark tint on the Windows kept most of the sunlight out making it easy for Elena to fall into a peaceful sleep full of dreams about being in Damon's arms again.

"Caroline! Stefan!" Elena called as she rushed into the foyer of the boarding house. It was dark by the time Elena got back to mystic falls, but only just. The house seemed quiet but Elena knew better than to think they were asleep. "Caroline!"

"Elena?" Caroline rushed down the stairs to greet her friend. "What are you doing here? What's wrong? Did you find him?" Elena held out the ring to Caroline. Then Stefan came down the stairs at a much slower pace. "Not yet. I need Angela, and I need Stefan's blood." Stefan raised his eye brows at this comment. Caroline just tipped her head sympathetically. "Elena, honey Angela can't do a locator spell. He has it blocked or something." Elena glared at her friend who could be so dense some times. "I Know Caroline. I had his cloaking spell lifted when I found the witch who cast it. Now what are we waiting for?" Elena turned back towards the door leaving the two surprise vampires in her wake.

Caroline called Angela on the way over. Her and Delanie were just getting back from dropping Jeremy off at the bus station. The young witch said she'd be happy to try and do the spell. Elena could tell she was skeptical though. She didn't blame Angela, there was a part of herself that also had a hard time believing. When you want something bad enough, and long enough, it gets hard to let yourself believe you could actually have it, because what if you can't? Elena felt her stomach clenching in anticipation and fear during the whole drive to Bonnie's house.

"Caroline, Stefan, Elena please come in." Delanie welcomed them at the door. Caroline smiled sweetly at the man and Stefan shook his hand. He leveled his light eyes at Elena though, silently begging her not to be wrong. Elena gave a single nod trying to comfort him. She had done it right, this would work. "Angela is just in the back putting Damien to bed. Should only take a second." Delanie got comfortable in one of the recliner chairs. Elena took the one next to his, leaving the couch for Caroline and Stefan. They too sat and got comfortable. The silence in the room wasn't quite a comfortable one. Elena could sense that no one in the room believed they were going to get anywhere. They had no faith. If Elena didn't know better she'd say they had all given up. But then Angela swooped into the room with a large map and knife. Her presence dripped hope and confidence and Elena fed off of it. When Angela sat herself between Caroline and Stefan on the couch Elena sat up on the edge of her seat so she could see the map very clear. "Okay Elena." Angela said holding out her hand to her. Elena squeezed the ring tight in her fist and then reluctantly dropped it into Angela's waiting hand. Angela clenched it into her own fist and then with the other hand handed Stefan the knife. "You know what to do." She said. Stefan shot Caroline a glance and Caroline's returning look was guarded and hard to read but Stefan must have found what he was looking for because in one swift motion he ran the blade along the length of his palm. Blood seeped onto the waiting map and Angela began to chant.

For a minute Elena was entranced by how much she looked and sounded like Bonnie when Angela did magic. The determination and strength in their faces and voices were identical. Their similar features only accenting the resemblance. If she tried hard enough Elena could actually make herself believe it was Bonnie. As the blood started to move on the map the others in the room shot to the edge of their seats. "Oh my god." Caroline muttered.

"It's working." Delanie said sounding stupefied. "Of course its working." Elena said. Joy was coursing through her body as the blood pooled in the middle of the map and then began to inch up in a tiny stream near New York City. Angela's chanting got louder and the blood began to move quicker until it finally stilled on top of New York. Angela's words fell silent. The room was hushed and still. For a second no one even breathed. "New York?" Elena asked almost timidly.

"Angela did it work? Does that feel like him?" Delanie asked, still swimming with doubt. A slow smile crept its way across Angela's face. Then she met her brother's eyes and tears of joy rained down her face. "It's him Delanie. I can feel it, I know its him. Damon's in New York City." The five people in the room sat in stunned silence. They regarded each other carefully, all of them feeling the hope bloom to spectacular life in their stomachs, yet none of them wanting to believe if it were not true. Elena put her hand over her heart and felt it's steady beating. Damon was in New York. They were going to find him.


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing my story! It means so much to me ! My friends dad's funeral is tomorrow so after that I should be able to update more. Thank you all for your patience!

Xoxox

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Caroline! Stefan!" Elena called as she rushed into the foyer of the boarding house. It was dark by the time Elena got back to mystic falls, but only just. The house seemed quiet but Elena knew better than to think they were asleep. "Caroline!"

"Elena?" Caroline rushed down the stairs to greet her friend. "What are you doing here? What's wrong? Did you find him?" Elena held out the ring to Caroline. Then Stefan came down the stairs at a much slower pace. "Not yet. I need Angela, and I need Stefan's blood." Stefan raised his eyebrows at this comment. Caroline just tipped her head sympathetically. "Elena, honey Angela can't do a locator spell. He has it blocked or something." Elena glared at her friend who could be so dense sometimes. "I Know Caroline. I had his cloaking spell lifted when I found the witch who cast it. Now what are we waiting for?" Elena turned back towards the door leaving the two surprise vampires in her wake.

Caroline called Angela on the way over. Her and Delanie were just getting back from dropping Jeremy off at the bus station. The young witch said she'd be happy to try and do the spell. Elena could tell she was skeptical though. She didn't blame Angela, there was a part of herself that also had a hard time believing. When you want something bad enough, and long enough, it gets hard to let yourself believe you could actually have it, because what if you can't? Elena felt her stomach clenching in anticipation and fear during the whole drive to Bonnie's house.

"Caroline, Stefan, Elena please come in." Delanie welcomed them at the door. Caroline smiled sweetly at the man and Stefan shook his hand. He leveled his light eyes at Elena though, silently begging her not to be wrong. Elena gave a single nod trying to comfort him. She had done it right, this would work. "Angela is just in the back putting Damien to bed. Should only take a second." Delanie got comfortable in one of the recliner chairs. Elena took the one next to his, leaving the couch for Caroline and Stefan. They too sat and got comfortable. The silence in the room wasn't quite a comfortable one. Elena could sense that no one in the room believed they were going to get anywhere. They had no faith. If Elena didn't know better she'd say they had all given up. But then Angela swooped into the room with a large map and knife. Her presence dripped hope and confidence and Elena fed off of it. When Angela sat herself between Caroline and Stefan on the couch Elena sat up on the edge of her seat so she could see the map very clear. "Okay Elena." Angela said holding out her hand to her. Elena squeezed the ring tight in her fist and then reluctantly dropped it into Angela's waiting hand. Angela clenched it into her own fist and then with the other hand handed Stefan the knife. "You know what to do." She said. Stefan shot Caroline a glance and Caroline's returning look was guarded and hard to read but Stefan must have found what he was looking for because in one swift motion he ran the blade along the length of his palm. Blood seeped onto the waiting map and Angela began to chant.

For a minute Elena was entranced by how much she looked and sounded like Bonnie when Angela did magic. The determination and strength in their faces and voices were identical. Their similar features only accenting the resemblance. If she tried hard enough Elena could actually make herself believe it was Bonnie. As the blood started to move on the map the others in the room shot to the edge of their seats. "Oh my god." Caroline muttered.

"It's working." Delanie said sounding stupefied. "Of course its working." Elena said. Joy was coursing through her body as the blood pooled in the middle of the map and then began to inch up in a tiny stream near New York City. Angela's chanting got louder and the blood began to move quicker until it finally stilled on top of New York. Angela's words fell silent. The room was hushed and still. For a second no one even breathed. "New York?" Elena asked almost timidly.

"Angela did it work? Does that feel like him?" Delanie asked, still swimming with doubt. A slow smile crept its way across Angela's face. Then she met her brother's eyes and tears of joy rained down her face. "It's him Delanie. I can feel it, I know it's him. Damon's in New York City." The five people in the room sat in stunned silence. They regarded each other carefully, all of them feeling the hope bloom to spectacular life in their stomachs, yet none of them wanting to believe if it were not true. Elena put her hand over her heart and felt it's steady beating. Damon was in New York. They were going to find him.

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Elena wasn't happy. She insisted that Angela and Stefan's presence was going to make him run. But Angela needed to see him, needed to know he was alive, that this was real. He had been a part of her life he whole life, and now her mother was dead and the only person who could possibly understand that pain was him. Delanie agreed to watch Damien, so she insisted when Elena said she couldn't go.

Eventually Elena gave in but when Stefan heard Angela was going he also insisted on coming. Now the three of them were tucked into the SUV amidst a very uncomfortable silence.

Elena kept her opinions to herself but her obvious irritation was plain all over her face. Stefan seemed almost amused in the driver's seat. He shot Elena glances every once in awhile and had to stifle a smile. From the back seat Angela just watched them.

Angela had heard stories all her life about Elena, how loved she was by everyone in their makeshift family. Her mom had even told her how Stefan and Elena had loved each other first, until Damon came along. Angela always had a hard time believing that because he always seemed so in love with Caroline. Caroline and Stefan were good for each other, and with each other, it was hard for Angela to picture him with anyone else. Sitting here watching them though, Angela could see the picture her mom had painted. Elena and Stefan's love was easy, simple. The way high school relationships should be. She could see Stefan still had lots of love for her, and her him.

She could also see why it ended though. They weren't right for each other, not in the way that Caroline was right for Stefan, or Elena for Damon. Sometimes with high school relationships you realize that once you aren't in high school anymore, love stops being enough.

"He is going to run when he sees you Stefan." Elena muttered for the hundredth time. "He knows you want him to come home. He will think it's a trick, especially with Angela with us." She shot an apologetic smile over her shoulder at Angela.

"we will stay out of sight Elena. I promise." Angela spoke up. Stefan met her eyes in the rearview mirror. She gave him a stern look willing him to comply. Angela thought Elena was right. She just needed to see him, make sure he was okay, and if nothing else she could protect Elena in case she can't reach him. Stefan was the one who would need convincing. Stefan wanted to be the reason his brother came back.

Reluctantly, Stefan nodded to her. Angela suppressed a sigh of relief. She wasn't up for another argument. Elena just nodded and went back to staring out the window. "we will do another locator spell once we are in the city, it'll tell us where he is." The two in the front seats nodded silently and Angela took the hint to stop talking. Neither person seemed very interested in conversing, perhaps to wrapped up in their own thoughts, probably far away, in the big apple. So Angela let herself think of Damon instead.

Damon had been everything Angela needed growing up. He was like an uncle, then a father, and as she got older he was a very dear friend. Always family. She missed him so much it hurt. Angela hoped that whatever Elena had planned would work. She wasn't sure she could take losing him again.

* * *

"can we do this now?" Elena asked. It had taken six hous but they were finally unloading the SUV into a small motel room. Angela yawned. It was very early in the morning. They had left mystic falls the night before after finding out his location. They had packed a few bags and set out on the road. Now the sun was almost completely risen and Angela was more than a little tired.

"Elena I know you want to find him but he doesn't have his daylight ring. Wherever he is I'm sure we can't really get to him. We need him to be out in the open, unsuspecting. Plus Angela needs rest." Stefan explained. Elena bit her lip nervously but eventually admitted Stefan was right. They could all get some rest, and come nightfall she'd be with Damon again. Her stomach was doing tiny somersaults as she thought it. It had been almost two weeks since she woke up and all she'd wanted this whole time was about to come true. Elena wasn't sure she would be able to sleep at all.


	9. Chapter 9

Nightfall came sooner than expected. Elena was right, she hardly slept at all. She busied herself instead, remembering other nights she spent in motels. Like the night she laid next to Damon and asked him why he never let people see the good in him. He had said that he didn't want to live up to anyone expectations. Elena supposed he had grown out of that. He had lived the happiest life while she had been asleep. Many people got to know the good man that she loved so dearly. But it was moments like these he feared then. His weak moments, the moment Elena knew were not the happiest. Damon was self destructive when he was upset and that was really why he never let people see the good. She wished for the thousandth time since that night all those years ago that he would understand that the people who loved him would love him anyway.

When the moon was high in the sky Angela stirred awake, effectively waking Stefan in the process. Elena dressed silently in jeans and a fresh long sleeve shirt. She threw her wild hair into a high ponytail. When she was done she excused herself and stepped outside of the room. The city air wasn't quite warm, but it wasn't cold either. The moon was full and shining brightly on the parking lot. Even outside of the city, the roars of New York City could be heard. The last time Elena was in New York was when her humanity was off and her and Rebecca had taken Damon's car. She smiled now at the memory of how distraught he was over it. This is how Angela found Elena.

"Are you nervous?" She asked after a moment or two of silence. Elena peered at her familiar face. She had missed Angela's whole life, she was old enough to be her mother, but somehow Elena couldn't help but see her as a hopeful, fearful child. Thrust into a world of magic, loving all the wrong people, losing everything. Elena saw a lot of herself in the older woman wearing Bonnie's face. "Not really. I've dealt with a humanity-less Damon before. I trust him." Elena said calmly.

"Do you worry about how long it's been?" She asked hesitantly. Elena smiled widely then. "No." Elena looked at Angela "Do you?" She wondered. Angela pursed her lips and looked off towards the street. "I worry that it will be longer. He might not be the star crossed love of my life, or my older brother, but he has been everything to my family. I don't want my son to grow up not knowing him." Angela's voice was far away, like she had forgotten anyone was listening at all. Stefan had slipped outside silently as she was talking.

He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "So let's find him." he said earnestly. She met his eyes for a second and then she gave him a determined nod. The trio stepped back inside the motel to recreate the ritual from the previous night. They set out a new map, one of New York, and Elena handed Angela his daylight ring once again. With a quick slash of Angela's pocket knife, Stefan's blood was once again falling onto the map. Elena tried to pay attention to the chants Angela was saying but she could hardly hear anything over the beating of her own heart. As the blood pooled and began to stream in one particular direction her heart kicked into high gear. Stefan was now watching her with concerned eyes but she didn't pay him any attention. She kept her eyes focused on the direction of the blood, and how it all felt a little too familiar.

"There. He is in the city. At a bar it looks like. How Damon of him." Angela said sarcastically. "This feels too simple. We searched for 7 years and didn't find a single trace of him. Now he is just sitting in a bar in New York?" Angela sounded skeptical. Elena couldn't blame her. What the witch said was true, it was like he was waiting for them. "Maybe he is just getting sloppy. Elena said that Lee had been cleaning up after him and that he was spiraling when Lee quit. Maybe he isn't really trying to hide anymore." Stefan said still trying to hang on to a little hope. "We will go and check it out, but for the record, I don't think it's a good idea anymore." Angela said.

The drive into the city wasn't very long. They had gotten a motel right outside of it. When they stopped in front of a bar Elena's mouth hung open. Now she knew why all of it seemed to familiar to her. This was the same bar she had come to with Rebekah and Damon. She had tried to seduce him on the rooftop to get Katherine's address. Could he really be here? "I'm going to go to the roof, try to stay out of sight in case he is in there. From there I can hear you and help if I need to. Angela I suggest you find a corner to stay in. Elena, this is it." Stefan held her eyes for a few seconds and then he was gone. Elena watched after him for a minute and then met angela's wide eyes. "Are you ready?" Elena asked. Angela nodded once. "You should go first. We shouldn't walk in together." Angela said to Elena. Now it was Elena's turn to nod. She stepped out of the SUV and onto the busy New York street. It smelled of car oil, asphalt, and alcohol, but Elena felt like she was already in Damon's arms. Her heart raced ahead of her feet as they dragged clumsily across the street and through the front door of the busy bar.

Once inside Elena scanned the whole room. It was as large as she remembered it. There was a large dance floor area that was fairly deserted this night. The bar was full but not a single seat was occupied by the love of her life. People milled about the bar, sitting at tables, playing pool, and playing darts, but again none of the faces belonged to Damon.

She tried to seem casual as she wandered over to a newly emptied seat at the bar. "Can I get you something?" The bartender asked loudly. He was a burly man with a beard and bald head. His eyes were genuine and soft. "Bourbon, neat. Thank you." she told the man. He quirked his eyebrow a little but otherwise said nothing else. He poured her drink and moved on down the bar. Elena toyed with the glass for a minute or two. She was faintly aware of Angela coming in a few minutes behind her but she didn't turn. They had to be casual. She stared into the glass of brown liquid, remembering the way Damon would nurse one after a long day. It had never been her favorite, she wasn't even sure why she ordered it.

"Now we both know that isn't your drink of choice." Elena's body froze. Goose flesh rose along her arms and her heart felt like it exploded. The sultry voice was velvety and dark and painfully familiar. Elena clenched her eyes shut willing herself to wake up. When she reopened her eyes still in the bar, she turned slowly.

And there he was. Tall and lean and so so close to her. She could feel heat emanating off of his body, she could smell his delicious scent, still so close to the bubble bath in his bathroom. He smirked down at her, still causing her heart to jump sporadically. His blue eyes were shining wickedly. "Damon?" Elena managed to squeak out. "Hello, beautiful figment of my own irritating imagination." He slurred back at her. He was drunk, but not very. His humanity was definitely still off. He was looking through her, not at her. "Damon. It's me. I'm here. I'm actually here." Elena's mind was all of a sudden working in double time. She knew she had to convince him fast before he ran off. She was so overwhelmed by his proximity and by the fact that nobody else seemed to notice the earth shattering moment going on in front of them. Damon barked out a cruel laugh. Elena tried to reach out to touch his arm but he pulled away from her. "You know 'Elena'" Damon air quoted her name. "I helped raise Bonnie's kids. I was there when they were born, I watched them turn from little bouncing bundles of joy, to demon spawns, to awkward weirdo's, to teenagers, and finally into the adults they are today. I would recognize my witchy god daughter anywhere, even without seeing her. I recognize her heart beat, the pattern of her breathing. Not to mention I can see her right over there." He waved sarcastically at Angela, who Elena could now see sitting in a back corner table. Her green eyes were wide and full of tears.

People were beginning to look up and over their shoulders at them. Elena's eyes were darting around trying to take notice of everything. "Damon, please." Elena began but Damon groaned. "I've had enough of this game Angela." He said this just to Elena. "Please just go home. Be with your mother." As the last word came out of his mouth his face scrunched up in the pain he no longer felt. Then he leaned in close to Elena. His cheek grazing hers as he put his lips to her ear. She shivered involuntarily. Elena wanted to wrap her arms around him, wanted to turn her head the few inches it would take to press her lips to his cheek. She sat frozen still though. "Whoever you are, I'm going to kill you." He whispered it sweetly, like he was confessing a secret love. Elena's eyes filled with tears as she tried to plead one last time. "Damon." But as the tears slipped down her face, and the words left her mouth, he was gone. Moving too quickly for her human eyes to catch, he zoomed away. She was alone at the bar again. The only evidence he had ever even been there was the pain in Angela's eyes that Elena was sure mirrored her own. The girls stared at each other silently feeling the sting of failure and loss together.

* * *

"Whoever you are, I'm going to kill you." Stefan yelled Damon's name. He had been up on the roof, listening to the whole interaction. He wanted to give Elena time to try and convince him, to fix him. Once he heard this though he couldn't let it go on. He wasn't sure how his brother would react to his presence but he hoped it was enough to distract him for the moment.

Then Damon was there, standing in front of him. "Damon." Stefan breathed. He felt the weight that had settled over his shoulders lift at the mere sight of his brother. "Hello, brother." Damon smirked. "Come to watch the show? To save me from myself? Play hero?" Stefan pursed his lips. What could he say at this moment? "I miss you Damon." He uttered. Damon laughed and regarded his brother with a blank expression. "Bonnie died, caroline is a mess, Angela and Delanie are grieving. We all need you. Elena-" Damon slammed into Stefan with his hand around his throat. His features were twisted to reveal the monster he was. "Stop!" he roared in Stefan's face. Stefan struggled to get his hand off of him, to breathe. "Don't you people understand I can't care anymore. So I don't. Elena, she is in a box, where she has been for 70 years, because I chose Bonnie when I should have chose her. So now I choose me."

With a quick glance back to the door Damon loosened his grip on Stefan's throat. Stefan relaxed for a second when a sickening snap sent him sailing into darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

"Stefan?" Elena was shaking Stefan, trying to bring him to. Damon was long gone. The wind was starting to turn cold as It whipped around them on the roof top. Angela's face was still wet with tears. She hadn't realized how much it would effect her to see him, to hear him speak to her. He spoke like no time had passed, like he was still just their uncle Damon. But he wasn't, he was different. He was cold.

Angela was sure seeing Elena, she was sure it would work. Her mother had been sure it would, that's why she wrote that stupid letter to him. Why hadn't worked? Stefan wasn't waking up and Angela didn't think he would. She suspected Damon snapped his neck. He would be out for a while yet. "Elena, let's get him back to the car." Angela called. The slender woman nodded back to her and together the struggled to lift him and waddle him through the door and down the steps. They stopped many times to re grip, or to just catch their breath.

Once they were back in the bar Angela noticed that the dance floor had filled up quite a bit since they left the room. They still didn't go unnoticed though. "whoaaa." some guy slurred at them. "what are you doing? What happened?" Angela and Elena looked at each other panicked. The guy regarded them accusingly, and then something happened. Elena's panic turned to false relief and she sighed heavily as she set down Stefan's shoulders. Angela followed suit, letting his feet rest on the bars floor as well. "thank God. My name's Elena. My friend here has had just a little too much to drink and my aunt and I were just trying to get him home. But he is so heavy!" She laughed shaking. The guy looked from Stefan to Angela as she spoke and visibly seemed to relax. He laughed with her as she leaned her body towards him. Elena was flirting with the guy. "do you think you could help a girl out a little? My SUV is just across the street." She turned her doe eyes on full blast at the unsuspecting man. He smiled wearily and agreed.

So the stranger and the two girls worked their way out of the bar and to the car with Stefan in tow. Once they got him strapped into the back seat Angela climbed in the driver's side and waited for Elena, who was bidding their helper a farewell.

"thank you for the help." She said nicely but no where near as flirty. The man asked for her number but Elena smiled sweetly. "I'm flattered, but I have a boyfriend, and I need to find him now. Thank you again though for all your help." She hurried into the car and together Angela and Elena sped off, back towards their motel and right back to square one.

"I don't know Elena okay!" Stefan hollered. They had been going like this for about an hour now. Elena was furious, though Angela didn't think it was with Stefan. She was just mad, like all of them, at the situation, at Damon. Something none of us were really willing to admit.

Elena was yelling at Stefan though. Why didn't he do more, why didn't he stop Damon, why hadn't he fought back. Stefan stayed silent through most of her drilling but as they kept coming Stefan grew angrier. Again though Angela didn't think it was at Elena. Maybe himself but more so at Damon.

Elena had been drilling about what to do next. Angela had refused to do another locator tonight. She was exhausted, and stricken with grief over Damon and her mother and the life they all once lived. Truth was she wasn't as equipped for this trip as she thought she would be and it was taking a lot out of her emotionally. She needed some air.

Elena and Stefan went on yelling at each other. Angela stepped out quietly and unnoticed. Out on the balcony of the motel she could still hear their hollering do she ambled down the steps and walked over to their car. There she leaned against the back door and looked towards the sky. She was looking for any sign of her mother. Bonnie had said that she would always be with Angela through their magic, and through the earth but right now Angela felt all alone. She couldn't shake the feeling that her mom was just gone.

Tears found their way back down her cheeks in familiar tracks that Angela briefly worried would become permanent indentations on her face. The night air was still cool down on the ground but she now had a sweater tightly wrapped around her body. It belonged to Elena but it fit her tiny frame the same way.

"I need your help mom. I don't know if we can do this." Angela said to the stars. She hoped it would make her feel something but her words fell flat on deaf ears. The only response she got was the wind whipped harder and faster around her causing the long ends of the sweater to flap around her. Then something caught Angela's eyes.

A white envelope floated out of Elena's sweater pocket and began to blow down the parking lot. Angela jogged after it. It lead her to the street where she finally snagged it and stood to read it. It was Bonnies letter to Damon. Elena must have put it in this pocket on the way down here.

"shouldn't be out all alone Ang." The sentiment was heartfelt but the words were cold. The familiar voice sent chills down her spine. He crossed the street so that her human eyes could see him better. He didn't stop until he was standing right in front of her. His eyes looked her over, but not in the fatherly, protective way that he had always watched her. In an indifferent way, the way one might look over an unremarkable piece of art.

"nothing out here but you. Should I fear you?" she asked sounding more confident than she felt.

"After the stunt you pulled today you should. I want to kill you" he sounded angry. Angela didn't flinch though. She met his unyielding, emotionless blue eyes. "I'll never fear you Damon. Even like this you won't hurt me. I'm sure of it."

"How can you be so sure?" he taunted as he let his fangs slip out.

"Because even if you didn't love my mom enough not to hurt me, you love Elena more than your own life. And there is a tiny part of you buried deep that wonders if what you saw tonight, who you saw, was real." Damon was laughing before she finished the sentence but Angela didn't waver in her accusation. She knew him better than she knew anyone. He wouldn't be here now if she wasn't right.

"You're act doesn't work on me Damon. My mom taught me everything about vampires, and about you. The switch is in your head, and it is never truly off. It's not real. Even now, standing here talking to me is starting to flicker the lights in there. You can't stop it now that we have found you. You'll come back." her eyes were wildly defiant as she watched his eyes dance with light amusement.

"You are so much like your mother. Defiant until the end. It got her killed a couple times too." he spat, then suddenly his features were twisted and he wasn't uncle Damon any more but Damon the vampire. He lunged at her, going for her neck. She stuck out her hand and he fell to his knees with his hands gripping his head. A yell of pain ripped through the air as She hit him with the full force of her magic.

She regarded the man she once loved for what he was in that moment. A monster. He fought through the pain to look up at her and for one second Angela thought she saw him. For one second his eyes danced with recognition, love, and something else. Pride maybe ? She wavered and he was free from the pain.

Then he was gone. Figuratively and literally. He blurred out of sight and the night fell silent once more. Angela stood out in the street for a while. Waiting for him, or for something. Then a warm, calm wind caressed her cheek and lifted her hair. She looked down at the envelope and her mother's pretty slanted writing. When she looked back towards the stars she suddenly didn't feel so alone.

The next day Angela woke Elena and Stefan up early. Elena laid in bed the longest. Angela and Stefan were showered and dressed before Elena could bring herself to get out of bed. She felt like a failure. Not only did she fail herself but she failed Angela and Stefan, and she failed Damon. She wasn't enough to bring him back. She had gotten to see him, even feel his touch and yet they were no closer to having him back than they were the day before.

Elena did finally get out of bed. Angela seemed to have a renewed boost of hope and it motivated Elena to step into gear. Once she was showered and dressed they sat back down around the map of new York. "do you think he's still in New york?" Stefan asked.

"Yeah I do." Angela said confidently. Elena wondered not for the first time where her confidence was coming from. Neither her or Stefan questioned her though. So like they had two night in a row, Elena gave her his daylight ring, and Stefan gave her his blood.

She chanted loud and strong over the map. A couple minutes passed and Elena glanced worriedly at Stefan, who wouldn't look up from the drops of blood on the map. When a few more went by Angela stopped. "okay maybe he isn't in New York anymore." She switched out the maps and cut Stefan's hand again. She gave him an apologetic look but he just smiled at her. Elena could see something different in him though. He wasn't quite the same as he was last night.

The chanting began again. Elena waited again. Stefan watched the blood. And again nothing happened. It didn't pool together, it didn't streamline anywhere. Nothing happened. Angela stopped and started again, holding tight to the daylight ring. When again nothing happened her spell turned into a stream of "no." Stefan clenched his eyes shut and put his face in his hands. Elena waited for one of them to explain what was going on.

Angela began chanting again, louder, she was all but screaming the spell. Stefan got up and put his arms around her from behind. She chanted on. "Angela stop." He said calmly. She still chanted on. The blood was still. "Ang he's gone." Stefan said a little louder. Her chants turned into sobs and her body fell back into his. Elena watched on, waiting. What did Stefan mean he was gone? Like dead? What was going on.

Stefan met her eyes then and saw that she was assuming the worst. He held on tightly to Angela but spoke to Elena. "He's hidden himself again. We can't track him. He's as good as gone." Elena shook her head but her eyes found the blood on the map. Stagnant and drying. They couldn't track him. "but how will we find him now?" Elena said shellshocked.

"We don't, don't you get it?" Angela snapped through stifled sobs.

"We spend another 7 years looking, always being evaded and by the time we find him again, if we ever do, he will be so long gone, not even my mother's dead body would bring him back. He's as good as dead to us. He isn't our Damon anymore. We failed." Stefan and Elena looked at her in disbelief. She stormed out of the room. Stefan went to follow her but Elena stopped him. "let her calm down." She said. Elena could remember what it was like to be Angela. To lose everything over and over again. To feel alone. Nothing Stefan could say was going to help. She needed time.

Stefan sat on the bed instead and returned to his position with his head in his hands. "Stefan." Elena said. He didn't look up at her. "what do we do stefan?" Stefan sighed and rubbed his hands down his face. When he looked back at her looked tired and defeated. "We go home Elena." Elena blanched.

"You're just giving up? After one night? After one failed try we are just packing up and going home without him?" she screamed. Stefan was on his feet then.

"Yes Elena! We just pack up and go home. Because Angela has a son, and I have a fiancee, and they are waiting for us. Because i can't spend the next 7 years hoping my brother will come home one day just to feel like this every day when he doesn't. It hurts Elena. He made his choice and I can't undo it for him because even if by some miracle we could find him the old fashioned way he wouldn't actually be there. Damon is gone and not even you can bring him back. I'm sorry Elena, but it's over." And with that Stefan walked out of the room after Angela.

Elena stared after them. Her heart was sinking down into her stomach and in the silence it kept sinking. It didn't stop till it hit the soles of her shoes. Reality was setting in and Elena realized that Stefan was serious. He expected her to live the rest of her life without him. He expected to live the rest of his existence without him. They were giving up.

And just like that, in the early morning light, he was gone. For real this time. Hope of seeing him again, of being loved by him again was slipping out the open door, following Stefan and angela. They weren't going to find him, he wasn't going to come back. Bonnie was gone and Damon too. Elena found she couldn't cry. Her chest was hallow. She suddenly felt like she did when she was a vampire and turned her emotions off. There was just nothing. Silently she stuffed the few things she'd gotten out back into her bag. Once she had everything, including Damon's daylight ring, she walked calmly out of the motel room, leaving New York and Damon behind.


	11. Chapter 11

The ride home was silent. The whole way no one said a word. Elena and Stefan took turns driving, both of them feeling more tired than they should. Angela stared blankly out the window, unmoving, unblinking. Elena thought a couple times she seemed to be looking for something in particular, but then her eyes would infocus again.

A pit had opened up in Elena's stomach and it was eating everything inside of her. Her heart, her lungs, all her emotions, her appetite. All she could feel was the pit and it's overbearing presence. Just a constant reminder that they were returning home and Damon was not.

It was evening when they pulled back up to the boarding house. The house was quiet and dark but Elena was sure Caroline was in there. Stefan seemed relieved, if only slightly, to be near her. Angela slipped out of the car silently and melted into the darkness of dusk. She was in her car and driving away before Elena had even gotten out of the SUV. Still Elena and Stefan didn't say anything to each other.

Caroline opened the door with sad eyes and Elena wondered how she seemed to know. She embraced Stefan, who leaned into her more than Elena thought possible. She tangled her fingers in his hair and kissed his temple, then she just held him.

Over his shoulder her blue eyes held Elena's, embracing her with her eyes. And the trio stood that way in the door until the sun was completely gone. Finally when Elena could take no more she gently pushed by the couple and stalked upstairs.

Elena walked into Damon's bedroom, her bedroom now, slowly. It was still bare, still void of all things Damon. She knew it would look like this but for some reason it felt different. Emptier somehow. She knew the room would be without Damon but she didn't know she would be too.

She sighed as she dumped her belongings unceremoniously on the big bed. When she removed her sweater Bonnie's letter fell out of the pocket. She held it tenderly. "I'm sorry Bonnie. I couldn't save him." Elena whispered and finally tears crashed down her face as the pain finally ripped it's way through her chest.

The next morning Elena took the letter and a box of belongings to Bonnie's grave. She sat there for a long time trying to feel her. Trying to gain comfort from it the way she used to draw comfort from her parents grave. Bonnie was the strength in their trio. Elena had been the compassion and Caroline the light, but Bonnie was what made them strong, each and every time. Seems fitting that they were all so weak now without her. When Elena grew weary and hungry she placed the metal box she had made right underneath her headstone.

Elena wasn't sure what exactly the tiny lock would keep out but she really wasn't trying to keep anyone out. No one would find any value in the things inside, no one except her and Damon. "You are the one who deserves to keep the very best of him. Im so sorry Bon." Then she walked all the way back to the boarding house. When she got there she found it empty.

Once she ate some toast, really the only thing she could stomach, she all but crawled upstairs and buried herself in Damon's bed surrounded by his shirts, trying to hold onto the last piece of him she had left. This was Elena without Damon. This was her life now.

* * *

 _Damon was in the dark. Suddenly little details were coming into focus. "there's a tiny part of you wondering if what you saw tonight, who you saw was real. You can't stop it now." He heard Angela say. He whipped around looking for his God daughter but the image wasn't focused enough yet. He tried to shake his head to clear his vision. Then he saw her._

 _She sat at the bar, nursing a bourbon. Her long brown hair framing her face like an angel. He heavenly doe eyes open and staring at him expectantly. She smiled at him, beckoning him to her._

" _Elena?" Damon reached out and touched her cheek but she crumbled underneath his touch. In her place was a pile of bones and Angela stood behind her chanting. It was only a spell, it was only a spell._

" _Damon! Help me Damon!" Bonnie? Damon whipped around again trying desperately to find Bonnie. She sounded so far away though, she was out of his sight. "Bonnie!" he called to her. Angela grew quiet behind him. Damon turned to look at her and she was crying. "I tried to tell you Damon. I called. Why weren't you there Damon?"_

" _Why aren't you here damon?" this was Elena's voice. He turned and saw her sitting there again, no longer smiling but crying. "I'm sorry." Damon said to her. Then he met Angela's eyes "I'm so sorry."_

" _too late." Angela said and then his head erupted in piercing pain._

Damon shot up in bed panting and gasping for air. Sweat beaded up along his forehead. He wiped at it. He rubbed his eyes over and over trying to wipe the images and all the emotions they threatened to provoke out of his head.

The nightmares had plagued him for weeks since his run in with Angela. Damon was trying to outrun them, so he could outrun the emotions but he was tragically losing. He had had another cloaking spell put on him, he had watched them leave New York. Then Damon had ran as fast he could until the sun began to rise. When he took shelter that day to rest he had the first nightmare and he knew something was wrong.

Okay, actually he knew exactly what was wrong. Angela had been right. A little voice in his head nagged at him, that what if it had been real, what he saw? What if that was really Elena he had spoke to? Touched ? What if Bonnie was really dead. And that was the thought that provoked him to keep running. And that's the pattern his life had followed for the last three weeks. Run until the sun rose, sleep until it set, talk himself into a downward plunge of emotions and then run again. Over and over.

He found himself killing less now. Not really finding a thrill in it, not really having the motivation to pick someone out of a crowd. He fed when necessary but mostly he ran. He had reached Washington and that's where he was now, in some girls bed in Washington state.

"honey go back to sleep." the naked girl cooed next to him. Suddenly he was furious at her. He flipped her over so she laid on her back and growled viciously at her She woke with a start and began screaming. So Damon did the only thing he knew how to. He drained her dry, and by the end he didn't feel any better. Damon sat for a long time and stared at the now dead girl. He tried to pretend she was sleeping, and then he tried to pretend someone else killed her. Then, finally, Damon stopped pretending. He peaked outside to make sure the sun had set and once he was sure it was he dressed himself and stepped outside. He would be long gone before anyone found her.

Damon took off at a full sprint. Now completely full and rested he blurred through wooded areas, grassy fields, city streets, and busy highways. He was lightening fast, no one even so much as looked up. He ran and ran letting his primal instincts take to the forefront of his brain. And that is exactly why he didn't notice that his feet and instincts were taking him back towards Mystic Falls, and back to her.

* * *

"Elena?" Caroline stood outside Damon's old bedroom and knocked politely on the door. Elena had gone to take a nap about two hours ago but they were about to head out. It had been a few weeks since Elena and Stefan had returned from their disasterous rescue mission. It had been a hard month on all of them, especially Elena and angela. Stefan was doing better with it but Caroline knew he wasnt dealing as well as he acted. So Caroline suggested they get back to their life and Stefan agreed it would be the best thing for them. Everyone understood when they broke the news. It was decided that Elena would stay in the boarding house for as long as she wanted. After that it was really just making the arrangements to get home. Caroline insisted on flying So Stefan had booked a flight for tonight. They decided to go see Bonnies grave one last time before catching their flight. "Elena we are leaving." There was no answer again though. Just then Stefan walked up. "Let her sleep Care. We already said our goodbyes earlier." He spoke quietly and took her hand in his. Caroline searched his eyes to make sure he was really okay. When she decided he was she nodded once and they strolled out of the boarding house together.

It was the first time Caroline and Stefan had been to her grave since the funeral. They walked slowly through the grave yard. They stopped along the way at Carolines mothers grave and at the Salvatore crypt where Stefans family was. The briefly busted Alaric and all of Elenas family. When they finally made it to Bonnies grave they had just a few minutes before they had to leave.

"What's this?" Caroline asked when she spotted the metal box. It had a tiny silver pad lock on it that Caroline could easily break if she wanted to.

"I don't know." Stefan said also kneeling to examine the box. He flipped it over and over in his hands, looking at all sides of the box. There was a crashing sound as things flopped around inside. He was about to shrug and put it down when he caught sight of something taped to the bottom of it. It was the letter Bonnie had written to Damon. Elena must have put the box There.

"It's from Elena." Stefan noted quietly. Caroline sadly put her head on her fiancee' s shoulder. For the first time since they returned Caroline felt the weight of Elena' s hopelessness. She had given up. "It's for Damon." Stefan deduced after a few more minutes of examination.

"I know." Was Carolines simple reply. They put the box back where they found it. They spent a couple more minutes saying fond goodbyes. Caroline cried and Stefan held her, happy to not be the one needing held for once. Carolines human life was slowly coming to a wrap and Stefan knew it. He knew it was going to be hard for her to let everyone go and this was just the first step. This he could help her through.

She pulled herself together quickly though and with a small smile urged Stefan to make his way back to the car. "Pull it up to the gate. I'll be right down." She said. Stefan smiled politely and obliged, knowing she just wanted a few moments alone. When he was out of sight Caroline bent and touched Bonnies head stone. "Help him Bon. Help him see the truth. Help her be happy." She whispered into the evening air. After a few more moments of silence she stood and without a glance back blurred to her car and her awaiting fiancee.


	12. Chapter 12

Elena knew she was alone. She could feel the emptiness of the house settle over her before she even got out of bed. It was dark, probably the middle of the night by now. Damon's old bed was a mess of his T-shirts that didn't quite smell like him anymore.

Caroline and Stefan were probably already back in New York. Elena tried to keep her mind here in Virginia. New York no longer held pleasant memories for her. She didn't think she had ever been in the boarding house alone. The quiet felt ominous, the air was almost thick with it. She felt the need to make some noise so she ambled over to the bathroom where she had set up a radio next to the tub. She flicked it on and then made an impromptu decision to take a bath. She started filling the tub up with water, adding the bubble bath that hilariously smelled more like Damon than the shirts.

Once the warm, bubbly water filled the tub she slipped out of her night shorts and tank top and slid up to her neck in the water. The slow music broke up the eerie quiet, and the warm water went to work at her twisted, stiff muscles. Before long Elena was relaxed and comfortable.

It was easy to feel okay this late at night. Sitting in Damon's bathtub, surrounded by his smell. At such a late hour it was easy to pretend that tomorrow she would wake up and all of this would be a bad dream. The last 70 years never happened, and Bonnie would he there, and Damon too. They would be happy, all of them. It wasn't long before the soothing sound of the music, and the warm water was pulling her under, back to sleep, and the safety of her dreams.

* * *

Once Damon recognized his surroundings he cursed himself. How did he come all the way back to mystic falls and not realize? Why did he come here ? This was the last place on earth he wanted to be. Damon stood atop the bell tower in the middle of town glaring down at the dark, abandoned street. Damon loathed this town. Everything about it made him angry. There was nothing left for him here.

He tried to sit still on the tower for a while but his nerves were alive being this close to his old life. Not long after he settled down on the tower he was up and running again. This time his legs took him out of town, down a too familiar road. Before Damon knew it he was standing outside a little familiar house.

The house was quiet, no doubt all inhabitants were sleeping. Damon could hear three heartbeats and he wondered why Bonnie had visitors. The kids had long since moved away. Perhaps Angela was staying with her, she was getting older. Damon stood there for a while listening to the sounds of his sleeping family. A familiar stirring started in his stomach but the emotion it should have provoked never came.

Damon could never get used to the way having no humanity felt. His body reacted like he felt something, and he knew he should, but the feeling itself never came. It was just a white noise kind of silence that always left him on the edge of his seat. Always waiting for something even though he knew it would never come. With a sigh of frustration Damon turned away from the house. He needed to get back to New York. He wanted his car, and he wanted to drive as fast and as far away as possible.

"Go back to sleep buddy." It was Delanie's voice that stopped Damon. He spared himself a few seconds to hear what He was saying. "It's late. Everything is okay. Goodnight." There were noises like Delanie was moving out of a room, then a door closing. Damon urged himself not to but seemingly on its own accord his head turned so he could see inside the window.

His God son walked out of the bedroom Angela sometimes used for Damien when he was first born and into the living room. His shoulders were slumped and he seemed tired. Delanie sat down in a chair and rested his face in his hands. A single lamp on beside him illuminating his tall figure. He sighed heavily and Damon felt the stirring again. "I miss you mom. God I miss you." anger erupted in Damon as he realized that Delanie must know he was there. He was trying to convince him that what Stefan said was true. He was being played.

In a flash he broke the window and was through it. Then he had his hand wrapped around Delanie's throat in a blind fit of rage. The stirring wouldn't go away in his stomach. "Just stop! Stop!" he was yelling in the human mans face, unsure if he was talking to Delanie or the feeling. Delanie's eyes widened in shock or pain, or maybe he was just struggling to breath. Damon squeezed harder and lifted him off his feet. "It's a sick game you all have played. I have done everything, been everything for all of you and you can't give me this simple thing!?" he was choking for air now. Damon almost craved the feeling of closing his airway for good. "Damon!" the voice was Angela's. She was crying and frantic and held a young boy behind her body. Damon growled at her and made no move to release Delanie.

What was wrong with these kids? Had he not been good to them? Had he not given up the love of his life so they could exist? Where was Bonnie? Why was she allowing this to go on. "Think about it Damon. For one second just think. Do you hear her heartbeat in this house? Do you see her anywhere?" Angela was speaking through tears her eyes steady on her brother. Damon strained his ears for a moment, remembering only hearing three heartbeats. Delanie, and now Angela and the young boy. Unless the young boy was dead, which clearly he wasn't, Angela was right. She wasn't here. It was the middle of the night, where was Bonnie?

"She's been gone for some time now Damon. She's gone. We aren't trying to trick you." her voice was broken and sad. Damon looked into her eyes, trying desperately to find some form of deceit or lie in them. All he found was pain and the familiar green pools of Bonnie's eyes.

Delanie choked again and the sound brought Damon to. His head snapped back to his Godson and he dropped him like it burned his hand to grasp him. He fell to the floor in a fit of coughs. He grabbed his throat protectively.

The stirring in Damon's stomach was beginning to make him feel sick. He needed to run. He needed out of this house. Away from the silence of the missing heartbeat, away from Angela's raw brokenness. Away from the accusatory eyes of Delanie. He just needed away. When the waves of stirring in his stomach threatened to double him Over he took off. Out of the broken window and down the street. He needed answers, he needed them now. "Delanie go after him. Now!" he heard Angela shout before he was out of earshot.

* * *

Elena woke with a start to a banging on the door. The water she sat in was now cold, void of all bubbles. Her hands were wrinkled and pruney. She quickly put her sleep clothes back on. The banging was persistent and urgent. Elena approached the front door cautiously. "Elena it's me open the door!" it was Angela. Elena threw the heavy door out of her way. She was met by a frantic Angela. She was also in pajamas, her dark hair a mess. Her green eyes were red rimmed and wide. "Angela what is going on?" Elena asked concerned.

"Damon." was all she said. She grabbed Elena's hand and pulled her to an unfamiliar car. Elena barely had time to pull the door shut behind her. A scared looking Damien sat in the back seat, clutching his seat belt. Elena tried to give him a sweet smile but neither one of them was buying it.

As they drove quickly down the back roads of mystic falls Angela told her the whole story or what happened. Delanie had taken off in Angela's car after Damon, though Elena could guess where he was going.

When Angela turned down the familiar street that the cemetery sat on, Elena knew her thought had been right. As soon as she opened her door she heard the yelling. It was Delanie, he was pleading with someone, with Damon. Elena took off at a sprint to get to them, Angela trailing just behind with Damien in tow.

"Damon! Please you don't want to do this like this. Just listen to me for a second." Delanie was saying. Elena reached them at the Salvatore crypt which meant they hadn't made it to Bonnie's grave yet. Delanie was standing in front of the crypt doors, which no longer had the padlock used to lock her coffin inside. There was blood on Delanie' s neck, and he was cradling an arm. Damon was looking furious and out of control, and even though he could have moved Delanie, he didn't move an inch. "Let me in Delanie! Now! I need to see her." He yelled at the man.

"She isn't in there Damon And you know It! Let it in. Come back to us." He pleaded. Damon's growl ripped through the night as he hollered a gut wrenching "no!" he was losing grip on what little control he had.

His back was to Elena so she approached him carefully. Delanie caught sight of her over Damon's shoulder. She shook her head at him. She didn't want him to give her away. Damon was seething, gearing for an attack.

"Damon." Elena spoke softly and touched his shoulder. It was the first contact they'd had other then his cheek accidentally brushing hers that night in the bar. His body jolted at the touch and he turned on her, quick and predator like. His hand found her throat almost on instinct, but he let go almost as soon as he had gripped it. "Damon." She said again. His eyes found hers briefly. They were full of questions. He was fighting to keep the switch off.

"Come home Damon." She whispered as she began to cry. The wind whipped around them and in her sleep shorts and tank top her skin was alive with gooseflesh. A shiver went through her. Damon's eyes began to dart around the cemetery frantically. He found Delanie again, and then Angela, who was standing in a dark area with her son. Then he darted off, gone again. "Damon!" Elena yelled. She ran after him but stood no chance of keeping up.

She stopped then and hollered back at Angela. "Stop him! I have an idea." Angela closed her eyes in concentration and then some where just out of sight Damon yelled out in agony. Elena fought her urge to go to him and ran the opposite way instead, towards Bonnie's grave.

When she got there she scooped up the box she had left. Then she was sprinting back towards the yells still coming from Damon. When she found him he was keeled over, holding his head. "Angela stop" Elena yelled at the top of her lungs. Damon went slack with relief. Elena knelt down next to him and touched his shoulder lightly again.

He didn't flinch away from her this time, but met her eyes instead. They were open and full of tears. He was feeling something. Maybe just the physical pain he was just put through, maybe something more. Elena shoved the box into his surprised hands. "Break the lock." He stuttered a little trying to get a good hold of the box. "Break the damn lock Damon."

Shocked by her urgency he broke the lock. He looked like a robot, doing required actions with no thought. He was standing on an edge, Elena knew, and if she could just get in the damn box it would be enough to send him Over it. Once it was open she ripped it out of his hands again. She looked into the box. His phone sat inside, along with his daylight ring and Elena's old vervain necklace. She quickly turned the phone on. "what are you doing?" he asked in a flat, emotionless voice. "I'm bringing you back to me." Elena said more to herself than to him.

When it was on she quickly called the full voicemail. She put it on speaker. The first messaged that played made them both wince.

"Damon. I understand okay? I'm not angry. I love you. We all love you so much. Hold on to that." The voice sounded ravaged by time but it was unmistakably Bonnie. Elena's eyes filled with tears when she saw Damon put his face in his hands. She clicked the next button.

"Damon, Stefan needs you. We are sorry we didn't see how bad this was for you. I'm sorry I didn't see. Come home. Please." This one was Caroline. Next.

"Damon. Mom is sick. Please come." this one was Angela's. Damon made a strange strangled noise. Next.

"I miss you brother." Stefan's sad voice. Next.

"things aren't good. She's not gonna make it much longer. Don't let her die without you." Delanie this time. Damon let out another strange noise that Elena now recognized as a sob. She repressed her want to hold him and clicked the next button.

"Hi uncle Damon." Angela laughed in the background. "Hey Damon. Thought he should get to talk to you now that he can talk. We miss you man. Love you." Angela sounded happy and sad at the same time. Damon hugged his knees to his chest and rested his face on top of his knees. She was aware that Delanie and Angela had walked up behind her but she paid them no mind and hit the next button.

"Damon please come home. Damon she's dying. We need you here please." Angela's voice again, this time twisted in grief. Damon let out a real sob but kept his face buried in his knees. Elena's own face was soaked in tears. She bit her lip to hold back her own sob. Next.

"Damon man, I don't know how to be the man in this situation. I need you here. Angela needs you here, Mom needs you here. You have a family that loves you, If there is any part of you left, come home." Delanie's final plea for Damon's return, and the last message on the phone. A steady stream of sobs were coming from Damon and Elena finally gave in to her urges and wrapped her arms around him. He leaned into her heavily.

"Elena. Elena." He was sobbing her name and Elena wasn't sure if it was out of pain or pure joy but she felt both coming off of him. "I'm here. I got you. I'm here." She whispered to him. She could hear Bonnie's kids crying with them. Elena turned her eyes so she could see them and angela met her gaze gratefully. Tears streamed down their faces, and though elena knew some of it was the loss of Bonnie, she also knew the majority of it was happiness. Damon was back. He was finally home.


	13. Chapter 13

When Damon's cries fell silent Elena pulled away from him. He stood slowly and walked over to Bonnies kids. He bent to be eye level with Damien. He looked up questioningly at Angela who nodded. "Hi little man. I'm Damon. What's your name?" Damien rubbed his eyes and grabbed his mother's leg shyly. "Damien." He uttered.

"That's a super cool name."

"are you gonna hurt my mommy?" the child asked. Damon furrowed his brow and made a disapproving sound. "No Damien. I would never hurt your mommy, or your uncle Delanie. I am so sorry I scared you." His words were thick and sincere. Damien nodded, seemingly placated by Damon's words. Damon stood then and regarded his god children.

He faced Angela first. "Ang i-" she cut him off by throwing her arms around him. Tears ran down his face as he held her tight against him. She sobbed into his shoulder, clinging to him. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." He kept saying.

She finally unattached herself from him and he stood in front of Delanie. Delanie still cradled his left arm. Damon looked into his eyes apologetically. Then he bit into his wrist and offered it silently to Delanie. Delanie hesitated, skeptical of Damon. Pain flashed in Damon's eyes. "please. It's the least I could do." Damon whispered. Angela nudged her brother and after a second more of hesitation he took Damon's wrist and drank gratefully.

The men embraced afterwards and Elena heard Damon utter more apologies. Then they were all three hugging and Damon's face was covered in tears once more. Elena watched, staying a careful distance. She could see the bond between the three, it was almost physical it was so strong. Damon had pretty much been a father to these kids, and they had missed him for much longer than she had.

"Take me to her. Please." Damon finally asked. Delanie pulled away from the hug and angela leaned her head on his shoulder. The kids nodded solemnly and together the four of them walked slowly to Bonnie's grave. Elena followed but still hung back, allowing Damon to have his space to deal with his family and the loss they all had suffered.

She made a mental note in the back of her mind to go back and get the box discarded on the ground still full of the things she'd put in it. She had detached the letter from the bottom of it and stuffed it into the tiny pocket of her shorts. He would need his ring though so Elena wanted to be sure to get it.

Once at Bonnie's grave Damon fell to his knees. He leaned his head against her head stone and cried silently. Elena had seen Damon cry more tonight than she ever had before. He really had changed. It was heartbreaking to watch as his emotions flooded back in and he wrestled with them all. "Bonnie." He cried. His breath caught in his throat and when he could breathe again he tried again. "Bonnie I'm so sorry. I should have never left you. I should have never left. I'm sorry." Delanie and Angela held onto each other as they watched Damon wrestle with grief and guilt. A wind that was warmer than it should have been blew through just then, warming all all of them like a loving mother's embrace. Damon let out a shaky sigh, then seemed to relax fractionally.

"You're my best friend Bonnie. I love you Bon. I love you so much, I never stopped and I never will." He whispered almost too low for Elena to hear. She almost wished she hadn't. The words were simple but they felt so intimate.

Angela and Delanie knelt next to him then as Damien looked on. The boy was still too young to really understand much of anything going on in that moment. Together the three adults cried, hugged, and eventually laughed. Overcome with pain, loss, and also some relief and joy.

Elena looked to the stars and sent all her love to Bonnie. She knew her old friend could see them, where ever she was. When Elena looked back towards the trio, Damon was staring at her over Angela's shoulder. His eyes were red rimmed and damp, but full of love. She smiled lovingly at him and much to her elation, he smiled back.

Right before dawn Damon's tears finally ran dry and he stood. Damon turned away from the gravestone with just a tad hesitation. He approached Elena with more caution than she felt was necessary. Her body was itching to be pressed against his again. To feel him kiss her, to be surrounded by him, full of his love for her that was so evident in his eyes.

She held herself back though. Elena could see he still wasn't stable, he needed to process all of the emotions that were flooding back in. Damon stood in front of her. She took him in, now that he was standing and calm. He wore the same black T-shirt, same leather jacket, his eyes were still that impossible blue, he was still the same beautiful, amazing man she loved. Her whole body was buzzing to have him back.

"Elena." He whispered as he ran one shaking finger down her cheek. She leaned into the touch, not able to help herself. "I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry I wasn't here." Elena shook her head. She knew she had been hurt. It had hurt to wake up without him. She had been angry that he chose to leave, she had been sad and lonely and disappointed. She knew all of these things,suddenly though, she couldn't recall what it felt like to be anything other than elated.

"You're cold." He noticed. She had forgotten about the goosebumps on her arms and legs. She hadn't noticed she was full on shivering. "Take her home." Angela said warmly as she walked up behind Damon. Damon put an arm around her once she reached them and she leaned into him lovingly. "I need to get Damien home too. We could all use some sleep. She needs to go home Damon." Elena wanted to tell them she was fine, that she really wasn't all that cold or tired. She also wanted to tell them that they needed to go back and get the box. She stayed quiet though, all Elena could do, all she wanted to do, was revel in Damon's proximity. She felt like it had been an eternity since he was this close to her.

Damon nodded at his goddaughter and then hugged her goodbye. When she left, Damon held a hand out to Elena, which she took gratefully. He squeezed it tightly.

"May I?" he asked politely. Elena nodded stiffly. Then she was flying through the air as Damon blurred them towards the entrance of the cemetery. She about let him whisk her away home when it occurred to her what was in the box. "wait." she called to Damon. He stopper immediately at the street. He looked her over with concerned eyes, like he thought he hurt her.

"We need that box Damon. You're daylight ring." Elena stated quietly, not wanting him to panic. The realization flashed through his eyes. "Wait here." he said to her and then he was gone. It was only a few minutes before he returned with the metal box in his hand. Damon handed the box to Elena and let her open it. She grabbed the ring and phone and handed them both to Damon. Damon slid the ring on and put the phone back in his pocket. "Thank you Elena."

"You're welcome." she said lightly. Damon shook his head sternly. "Not just for this." he said indicating his ring. "For everything. For my life, for this moment, just for everything Lena." His eyes were tender as he gazed at her. Taken aback by his emotion she touched his face. He turned his head and kissed her palm. Then he silently lifted her bridal style and carried her through the early morning darkness, all the way to the boarding house.

"How did you know to come here?" Elena asked when he reluctantly released her. Damon gave her a small chuckle. "Because this is home." He said simply. Elena smiled at his sentiment and led the way up the steps to the heavy door. She swung it open once again, revealing the empty boarding house just the way she left it. Music still drifted down stairs from the radio she left on by the still full bathtub.

Damon hesitated in the doorway. A mixture of emotions played across his face. When he noticed Elena watching him he cleared his throat and stepped through the door. "where's my brother?" he asked. Elena frowned a little. "He and Caroline left for New York this morning. Caroline thought Stefan would benefit from some normalcy after what happened at the bar in New York." Elena mumbled through her explanation.

"So that was really you there that night?" he asked. She met his skeptical eyes with scared ones. Elena nodded her confirmation. "She's been gone a long time huh?" He asked painfully. Elena knew he meant Bonnie.

"About a month." Pain seemed to ascend on Damon again, and Elena was overcome again by the want to hold him, to take it all away. She was nervous to far, besides a few touches here and there, they had stayed a comfortable distance from each other. Elena wanted to wrap herself around him, but she didn't want to rush things. Their reunion shouldn't be mixed with all of his sadness over Bonnie. She had spent her life with him, he needed to grieve her.

When Elena was sure He was going to lose control of his emotions again he turned and walked up the steps silently, towards her, or his, room. Without a word he melted into it and shut the door behind him. He obviously agreed with what she thought. He needed to grieve, alone.

Elena poured herself some bourbon and sipped at it. She stared towards the fireplace that for once had no fire burning in it. It was strange that the boarding house could seem so empty with Caroline and Stefan here, but now that Elena knew beyond a doubt that Damon was upstairs, even alone in the pre dawn morning, she felt complete. She could have sat down there all night as long as she knew Damon would be right above her.

Then Elena remembered something, something very important, and ran up the steps two at a time. She tried the door expecting to find it locked but it swung open easily. He was standing in the middle of the room staring at the bed. "you've been sleeping in here." He observed.

"I hope you don't mind." She said suddenly feeling sheepish. He laughed a little again.

"I don't mind at all Elena. It is as much your room as it is mine." A smile played at his lips, but it didn't reach his eyes. They were iced over like oceans during the last ice age. He sounded emotionless and distant. Elena couldn't help herself, she needed to feel the warmth of his love, after so many lonely weeks. She closed the distance between them, turning him around to face her. She cupped his face with her hands and stared into his endless blue eyes.

He looked back at her with longing and sadness. Looking into his eyes at that moment, Elena couldn't think of anything other than taking that look off of his face.

"I've missed you so much." She whispered and that was all it took to break the stiff awkwardness between them. His mouth crashed down on hers, hard. She felt 70 years worth of turmoil, longing, and pain crash down on her too. Elena kissed him back hungrily, letting all her own pent up need pour into him. It felt like the air was being sucked out of her lungs but in the very best way possible. He was clinging to her hard enough that she was sure to have bruises the next day but it was the sweetest kind of pain.

He moaned with pleasure and picked her up so her legs were wrapped around his waist. When his arms snaked around her waist his wrist hit something waded up in the pocket of her shorts. The very thing that brought her to follow him up here. She sighed against his mouth when She realized what She had to do.

She reluctantly broke away from his kiss. Damon made a noise in protest and let his lip jut out in a playful pout. She leveled her eyes at him, fighting off his protests with her stare. He set her down politely.

Elena pulled out the infamous letter. It was folded a ton of times, bunched up and creased, but her handwriting was still slanted and pretty. It was still from Bonnie. She had been carrying It around with her for So long now, she was almost sad to let it go, but she knew Damon needed to read whatever was in the letter. After all it was never for her. He needed to know what Bonnie had to say if he was ever going to heal from this.

"Bonnie asked me one last favor at the end of her journal, a favor to bring you home, to give you this letter. It was her last wish that you get this, so before this goes any further, I think you need to read it." Elena was gently smoothing out all the creases when Damon's hands covered hers. He gently removed the worn letter from her hands then he kissed her tenderly. The kiss took her breath away and left her light headed. "Can I have a minute?" he asked hoarsely when he pulled away. She nodded dreamily. "I'll be right down stairs." She assured him, and after one more quick kiss and left him standing in the middle of the room. The door closing behind her with a quiet click.


	14. Chapter 14

Okay guys firstly I'd like to say thank you for all the support. I've gotten so many great reviews and I'm so thankful so many people have stuck through with me. I haven't been updating as frequently cause I've got a lot going on but like I said I've had a great following and I thank you all so much for that!

Now that is said I was super excited for this part and decided to let it have it's own chapter. It's a short one but I think it's pretty heavy so I hope you all enjoy it. I will update as soon as possible. As always look forward to any and all reviews !

* * *

Damon stared down at the letter like it was a bomb in his hands. At least he felt like it should blow up. Blow him to smithereens, make him cease to exist the way Bonnie had. He had left, he had turned his humanity off and abandoned all of them. He abandoned Bonnie and wasn't there, not even when she died. There was an endless amount of things this letter could say. " _I understand"_ he heard her elderly voice play in his head again. By some miracle, she wasn't angry, at least not then. Damon was most worried that she had changed her mind about that. What if in the last 7 years she grew to hate him for what he had done? Ans this letter was her last chance to get back at him for hurting her in the worst way possible?

Looking down at the letter Damon swallowed. He knew no matter what, he had to read it. Even if it was awful, he deserved to hear awful things, he deserved much worse. He sighed heavily, still trying to wade his way through the emotions that were flooding his brain. His stomach was doing somersaults as pain would course through his body, or happiness, or his intense need for Elena. He sat down on the edge of the bed and ripped open the letter, taking it carefully out of the envelope. Damon took one last deep breath and then unfolded the pieces of lined paper.

 _My dearest Damon,_

Faint traces of her scent wafted up to him. Damon had to stop and breathe again. Her handwriting never changed. Not in 70 years, it never grew shaky, never wavered. Reading her writing was like talking to a 20 year old Bonnie again. His stomach did more flips.

 _First of all I need you to hear me and hear me good. Understand Damon I. Do. Not. Blame. You. I forgive you for doing what you did. I forgive you for leaving. I miss you more than words can describe, my heart contracts now thinking about you reading this. It hurts to know I'll never see you, my best friend, ever again. But it is a pain I accept without Ill feelings. For I know it is only a fraction of the pain you have endured for me. It is only a fraction of the debt I owe you for living so long without Elena._

 _I have no doubt in my mind that one day soon you will receive this letter. That you will read it and it will make you cry with pain and joy and relief because your emotions will be back on. I know Elena is there and I know you are on the brink of finally having the life you deserve. I don't want to take up much more of your time with her, especially since I got 65 years and she hasn't gotten any. The life of a human is so fleeting. You musn't waste the time you have. There are some things however that I needed you to know. I couldn't go without saying these things._

 _When Elena told us she had fallen in love with you, no one was more upset than I was. Not even Caroline. You were an awful person, hell you were so awful, monster wasn't even a good enough descriptive word. I could never understand how she could love you. A cruel, inhuman, unfeeling being such as Damon Salvatore. I didn't understand, that is not until I saw for myself who you actually were. When we were the only two people in the world that held us prisoner I tried to hold onto the hate I had harbored for you for so long. As time went on though, I found I couldn't._

 _I couldn't explain it but you weren't just a friend because there was no one else to be friends with, you were my best friend because in spite of my hate for you, you loved me. You were fiercely protective and compassionate. You were loyal and strong. And after you had left, and it was just me there, I found in my lowest moments the person I missed most was you. I knew then why Elena loved you. You were her equal in every way, you were worthy of her love._

 _Then after only a moment's hesitation, you chose me over her. You chose me and you never once questioned that choice. You never once let me down in all these years, and that is a true statement to this day. No matter how long it takes for you to come home. I can't even begin to fathom what it must have felt like, being without her. I miss her everyday. There isn't a thing I've gone through that I haven't wished her a part of. You missed her more though. You always missed her more._

 _I owe you an apology Damon. I did this to you. It's my fault you have run off now, because it is for me that you live without your heart and soul. Not only that, but then I got so lost in my life and in old age that I stopped recognizing when my friend needed me. I didn't see that you were standing on a ledge and for that I am the most sorry. I am so sorry about everything you have been through, and that includes the guilt I know you are feeling now, for not being here for my death. I did this Damon._

 _You need to know Damon that no matter what you did, no matter how long you stay gone, wherever I am, I am watching over you. I admire you, and I love you. You are an amazing man, and you deserve the happiest life. Which you can now have. Never take a single second with her for granted, she deserves the Damon I know is in there. Don't keep her waiting on him._

 _One last thing, and then this old woman is going to bed. Damon Salvatore, no matter what I may have thought of You in the past, you are NOT a monster. I don't care what you have done in the past or present or future, you aren't damned, or unsavable. You have made terrible decisions but really Damon every single one of us have done unspeakable things. We have all hurt people beyond the repairing powers of "I'm sorry"._

 _The funny thing is that those decisions are exactly how we ended up here, how we ended up family. All the people we lost, all the terrible actions we committed. It's why we all ended up together. Don't let the guilt over your newest bad decision take that away from you. I've had a wonderful life, and I have you to thank for a lot of that. Now it's your turn to live, and I hope it's the most amazing life. I forgive you Damon, Forgive yourself._

 _With all the love in the world_

 _Your Best Friend_

 _Bonnie_

Damon wasn't breathing out of fear of screaming. The pain was so intense he felt like someone had staked him and was twisting the traitorous wood in his chest. He had been prepared for hate, for scorn, for spite. Damon hadn't been prepared for love and understanding. He hasn't been prepared for her to take the blame. He hugged the letter to his chest. Air was trapped in his lungs and he felt the weight of all the pain, fear, and grief begin to crush him. Tears streamed down his face and no matter how hard he tried to stop them he couldn't. "My best friend. My best friend. It wasn't your fault." he whispered through his tears.

The reality of having his humanity back was, everything hurt. There was so much pain he could barely think. He had missed his chance to say goodbye to Bonnie. He wasn't there for his family through the worst days of their lives, he hurt his brother, and he abandoned Elena. Delanie was injured by his hand. Damon had literally never felt so much pain, or loss, or guilt.

He wasn't going to take his best friend's last words lightly though. He had to forgive himself for this, the way she so selflessly had forgiven him. He needed to live a wonderful life now, for her, because it's what she would have wanted. And he planned to, but tonight, Damon needed the pain. Damon needed to feel the guilt and the gut wrenching pain of all the things he'd missed, and done. So Damon decided to tackle forgiving himself tomorrow.

He curled up on his side on the bed, tucked the letter close to his chest, and cried until it felt as if there were just no tears left. When his eyes ran dry he found himself drifting away into a new kind of sleep, void of nightmares, free of pain. Just quiet, restful sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Okay! So i deleted the chapter I had posted for 15 because I wanted to fix the quote from the graduation scene and also to tweak the end a little bit. Nothing else has changed except for the last few paragraphs! Sorry for the change up!

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 _You've reached the Salvatore's. We aren't home right now, leave a message!_

"Stefan he's back. You guys need to come back here; Damon's home." Elena left the message, trying to hold back her elation. It was still very early, dawn actually. So she didn't expect them to be awake but she had to let Stefan and Caroline know. Stefan had waited long enough to see his brother. The look of devastation on his face in New York was still burned into her brain. So he needed to know, Damon was back and they needed to come back right away.

After she hung up the phone she sat on the couch and gazed into the empty fire pit. She wanted to go to Damon, it had been an hour or so since she left him alone with the letter. Now that she'd had a taste of him, every ticking second felt like a lifetime. Her skin still tingled where it had meshed with his. Her lips felt swollen from where he frantically kissed her. She wouldn't intrude though. Whatever was going on between Bonnie and Damon in this moment needed to stay between them.

Elena played around in her mind with her ideas of what the letter said. Elena hoped Bonnie had gone easy on him. She wasn't sure if what he had done had been enough to change her mind about him. Knowing Bonnie though, Elena knew it couldn't be that bad, even angry she couldn't hurt those she loved. Still Elena worried he might be hurting human ears couldn't pick up a single noise, but that said very little. She wasn't sure what she would find if she went up there. If she was being honest, Elena was scared to find out. The coldness in his eyes earlier had showed her that though his humanity was back on, they had a long road ahead of them. He had a lot of healing to do.

As the light began to filter through the curtain on the window Elena's eyes grew tired. She relaxed against the couch and allowed herself to believe for the first time that Damon was hers again. She felt a smile slowly spread across her face as she told herself that if she wanted to, she could go to him right now. She could touch him, hold him, sleep next to him. That is how Elena fell asleep.

It was late afternoon when Damon stirred awake. He could hear people down stairs, there was talking and sounds of foot steps. A muffled thump, perhaps a bag? Damon looked around the room and tried to get his bearings. The letter was squished against his chest. He smoothed it out carefully, remembering the words on the page and how they had moved him.

"Damon's been upstairs with the letter. I didn't want to bother him." this was Elena's voice. Elena. Damon's breath caught in his throat as he was overcome with a want to be near her. Every emotion he'd felt since the switch flipped hit him like this, like a wave crashing onto an unsuspecting shore. He needed to go to her.

"Do you think he's okay? It's so quiet." Damon had rolled out of bed and was making his way to the dresser when her voice stopped him in his tracks. Caroline? Elena had said Stefan and Caroline went back to New York.

"He's dealing with a lot Care. I think he's okay." Elena again. Damon was growing very confused. He put the letter down carefully on his dresser before grabbing a T-shirt off the bed and changing into it. Then he opened his bedroom door and all noise down stairs stopped. Damon could sense the three of them down there. One heartbeat, two steady rhythms of inhaling and exhaling. His brother was back. Damon took a deep breath. If there was one thing he had never done, it was let Stefan see him be weak, and he wasn't about to start now. Today would be a better today. Today he would be in control. When he was done convincing himself Damon ambled down the stairs lightly. He put on his best smirk and turned the corner into the front room. He'd been right Blondie was there. Stefan also sat on the couch, silently nursing a glass of bourbon. Elena stood by him with a hand on his shoulder. She looked tired and stiff.

"Good morning baby, Blondie, brother." Damon smirked bigger at his easy tone of voice. So far so good. Then Caroline scowled at him. She opened her mouth to say something but Elena cleared her throat, effectively silencing her. When no one else said anything Damon rolled his eyes. "okay?" He said sarcastically. He poured himself a drink and made his way to Elena as slow as he could handle. He didn't want them to see just how bad he wanted her at that moment. He wanted to seem in control of his emotions. "Hi" he said to her with a genuine smile. She seemed to relax a bit at this and she leaned into him when he bent to give her a short, sweet kiss.

"I thought you two went back to New York?" Damon asked his brother. Stefan didn't turn away from the fire place that now housed a crackling fire. He sipped his drink and then set it down so he could clench his hands together. "Elena called us last night. We came back As soon as we could." Caroline offered. Damon gave her a serious nod, feeling appreciative that they came all this way, but also confused by his brother's stiff silence. Even Elena was watching Stefan carefully.

"How've you been brother?" Damon asked taking a nervous drink of his bourbon. Stefan barked a sarcastic laugh but otherwise gave no reply. Damon glanced at Elena questioningly. She gave Damon a sympathetic glance back. "Stef?" Damon asked, stepping closer to his little brother. Stefan finally turned his emerald eyes on Damon. They were angry, very angry. The 'i'm so angry im calm' kind of angry.

"I'm great." Stefan said, forcing a menacing looking smile. The girls looked to each other but both seemed as confused as the other. Damon stared at his brother, who had turned his face back towards the fire, for a couple more seconds. Emotions began building on the horizon and Damon knew he was in for another tsunami if he kept on like this. So Damon turned and sized up his almost sister-in-law. "And how has Blondie been? Busy I'm sure, with the funeral arrangements, and then getting Elena all settled back into the living world. I bet you were loving having so much control." Damon smirked at her and she rolled her eyes good naturedly. "We missed you Damon." She said sincerely.

"Ah don't lie to a vampire Care, it's not smart." He said in mock menace. She laughed and flashed her fangs. "Try me." She played back. Damon laughed at her attempt at being intimidating. Elena watched their exchange expressionlessly. She glanced back at Stefan. "Care will you help me with something in the kitchen?" She asked suddenly. Damon gave her a look full of question marks, but she just kissed his cheek on the way past him then drug Caroline out of the room. Damon watched the girls go with a sense of dread. Once they were out of sight he turned to see his brother.. Stefan was standing now, pouring himself more Bourbon. "Develop a drinking habit while I was gone Brother?" Damon joked. Stefan looked up at Damon with the same angry expression.

"No I'm not doing that. No jokes, no pretending. You may be able to charm your way through with the girls but you are not going to stand here, and lie to my face. You owe me so much more than that." Damon regarded his brother carefully. He was definitely angry. His mouth was turned down into a slight frown, his brows were furrowed. His body language though was much less aggressive. His shoulders were slumped in defeat, his head was tipped down shyly.

"Stefan, I'm sorry." Damon said. He was waging a war on the guilt that was threatening to pull him under at any second.

"Sorry? For what Damon? For not being here for Bonnie and me? For not being there when she died, for missing her funeral? Or maybe for snapping my neck and walking out on me when I was begging you to come home?" Each blow hit Damon like a blast of dynamite, cutting through the walls he was throwing up to keep the storm out. Guilt, pain, and sadness were breaking through and beginning to pull him under. Damon looked away from Stefan unable to answer. Stefan downed his Bourbon. "Or maybe you are sorry because all it took to bring you back was some voicemails, when I was standing in front of you telling you we couldn't handle Bonnie's death without you, and that didn't even come close." Damon locked eyes with Stefan then and saw the raw pain there. How hurt Stefan was that it seemed he wasn't enough to bring his brother home. "Is that what you think Stefan?" He said in a gravely voice. The emotion was starting to take hold. Damon was overcome with grief and pain, and also love for his little brother, who had spent his whole life not feeling like enough for his brother. Stefan didn't answer, just stared back open and raw.

"Is it Stefan? Do you actually believe that you mean less to me than a handful of voicemails from everyone?" Stefan met his eyes defiantly, still not saying a word. Damon got as close to him as he could and looked him in his eyes.

"You're wrong." Damon said quietly, only for his brother's ears. Stefan began to shake his head. Damon put his hands on his brother's shoulders and stilled his motion with his expression. "Stefan listen to me." he pleaded. Stefan hung his head to avoid his older brother's eyes. "What do you think brought me back here?" When Stefan didn't move Damon pushed again. "After so many years of evasion why do you think I returned to Mystic Falls last night?" Stefan looked up finally, a question in his green eyes. The doubt swimming there was enough to break Damon, but he pushed on. It was time to end that doubt, Stefan needed to know, it would always be him.

"It was you. Seeing you, hearing what you said, it rattled me. It brought me up long enough to make me wonder if you were telling the truth. I followed you back to the motel that night. I confronted Angela about your scheme and she challenged me to believe you. I ran off before much else was said but for the weeks following that night I struggled. I struggled so bad I was hardly functioning at all. I fought to keep the switch off as dreams of you, Angela, Bonnie, and Elena kept edging it upward. Then yesterday I found myself here. You stirred the need to know in me Stefan. You awoke something in me. And it wasn't those voicemails that won in the end, the only reason they worked is because they made me see without a doubt, that you had been telling the truth. That Bonnie was dead and I had abandoned you that night to deal with it all alone. That is the only reason those voicemails succeeded in doing what you felt you couldn't. It wasn't just them. It was you too." Stefan was searching Damon's now watery eyes for the truth. Soon his own eyes were swimming in moisture. "I'm so sorry Brother. Please forgive me." Damon pleaded.

Stefan pulled Damon in and hugged him tightly. Tears escaped his eyes and slipped down his cheeks as he whispered a simple "Okay." Damon clenched his eyes and tried to fight the tears back himself. It was a futile attempt since they slid down his face anyway. Damon knew something had repaired itself in Stefan in that moment, something that had been broken for far too long.

"Awww yay." Caroline exclaimed as she trotted over and threw her arms around the two brothers, joining their hug.

"Ugh Caroline." Stefan grumbled trying to hide his tears. She laughed "Oh get over yourself." She said happily and squeezed them tighter. Damon unwrapped an arm from Stefan wrapped it around the she vampire. They all three embraced lovingly, even as Caroline began to cry. The brothers held her and Damon whispered another chorus of sorry's to which Caroline just smiled and shook her head.

Elena watched on as they all embraced and laughed. Caroline's words had stirred a memory for her. The day they had all graduated. Caroline had been afraid they wouldn't all show up, and when they did she exclaimed her happiness. _"I can't believe it! We are actually all here. We are all here together." Bonnie smiled and agreed "I'm happy we are all here." she had confessed. Everyone had laughed to stifle emotions they weren't ready to deal with yet as Caroline pulled them in for a group hug. "Ugh" Stefan had groaned. "I don't, I don't hug." Stefan grumbled. "Oh get over yourself." She had called as she pulled them all in anyway._

Elena smiled at the memory. This group was much smaller, and much more broken. It hadn't felt like it then, but they had had it pretty good. Their family would never be the same without Bonnie and Matt. One thing remained the same though, that was the amount of love, and Elena couldn't help thinking that they weren't really without them at all. That somewhere all their friends, all the people they had lost along the way was here, in this room, watching what was left of their very large, very dysfunctional family come back together.

"Elena, get in this!" Caroline called. Elena laughed and jogged over to her family, where she was pulled into a foursome hug. Stefan kissed the top of Caroline's head, and Damon touched his forehead to Elena's. Together the four of them stayed like that until the waves of grief, sadness, and pain turned into joy, wholeness, and love. Stefan smiled lovingly at Care, and Damon kissed Elena sweetly. A gentle breeze blew through the open window, lifting Elena's hair, caressing her like a loving mother. _Hello Bonnie_ Elena thought to herself with a small smile. "We are all here now." Caroline said quietly into the group, and Elena smiled wider because they really were.


	16. Chapter 16

Just a little fluff for the end of the story. I wanted Damon and Elena to have some real time to reunite again so mostly just fluffy Delena stuff (:

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"Goodnight Care!" Elena called down the hallway. She was leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom. Damon watched her silently. He took in the curve of her body, and the way her hair fell past her shoulders. Her hand was curved around the wood of the frame and he longed to take it in his. She was smiling when she walked the rest of the way into the room. She stopped mid stride when she caught Damon staring. Elena gave him a questioning smile and raised her eyebrows. Damon gave her one of his famous smirks. She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Hey." She said sweetly. "Hey" he purred back. She smiled at his tone, but then grew serious. "How are you, really?" She asked. He smiled sweetly at her, because at the moment he was really great. "I've missed you so much, I feel like nothing could ever hurt again because im actually holding you right now." He told her honestly. She rolled her eyes, thinking he was putting on a show. He held her waist and pulled her flush against him. "I mean it Elena. I really do." She blushed at their closeness, which only made him want her more. "Elena." He breathed into her ear before leaving a streamline of kisses down her neck. Her mouth hung open just the tiniest bit and her breath was coming in little puffs. He had missed the way he could so easily affect her.

She pulled away slightly though as his hands began to travel upward. Damon searched her eyes for a why but found only yearning and love. She reached up and cupped his face and stared lovingly at him. "I was afraid I'd never get to touch you again, or taste you, or love you. There for a minute I thought you were never coming back." Her eyes were shining with the tears she didn't want to cry for the thoughts she wished she never had. It was his turn to cup her face. Elena leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. Sadness and regret crept into his voice. "I'm sorry I left Elena. It'll never happen again." He whispered down at her. She let a sad smile spread across her lips, and because he didn't want this moment to be sad, he kissed them, hoping to widen the smile. It worked, stretching the smile across her face. She kissed him back fiercely and just like that they were back where they started.

He hoisted her up so her legs were wrapped around his waist. She left a hot trail of desperate kisses down his neck which made him moan with need and pleasure. "Let's go take a bath." Elena purred. Damon looked up hungrily at the woman he loved. She was watching him too with half lidded eyes, looking tired and desirable. Damon nodded his approval, he wasn't going to argue with the woman, not in the situation he was in right then. So he carried her to the bathroom, already lifting her shirt above her head. Then with a swift move he was starting the bath and kicking the door closed behind him.

Neither of them slept much that night. There were times when Elena would just be laying on his chest and he'd think she had fallen asleep. But then she would rub her hand over his chest, or look up at him with her beautiful eyes. Damon didn't dare close his, out of fear that All of this would disappear. Everything that had happened since he turned his emotions back on felt like one weird dream. Some so wonderful they felt too good to be true, some so awful he wanted it to be a nightmare. It was all real though, and every time Elena stirred in his arms he knew it for sure.

Elena finally fell asleep just before dawn. She hadn't slept much the night before, when she was waiting on the couch so Damon didn't want to wake her. He wasn't going to sleep though. So many nights he'd sat next to a coffin and watched her look just like this. Face relaxed, eyes closed, hair furrowed out around her. She was beautiful as always, but after all these years he couldn't help but think he preferred her awake. He preferred seeing her big brown eyes staring at him, full of compassion and life, her mouth stretched into a playful smile, or pressed against his in the sweetest kiss, her hands caressing him, or pulling him closer. It made him uneasy to see her so still, like she wouldn't wake up tomorrow. He had to shake himself out of that thought though. Elena was here, next to him, not spelled asleep, just asleep. Tomorrow she would wake up and she would kiss him. He will make her breakfast and she will eat it. He no longer had to live without her.

As the sun began to peak over the horizon Damon snuggled up to Elena, and kissed her temple, which she unconsciously leaned into, only solidifying the reality of it all further. He tried to relax enough to sleep, and much to his surprise it took very little effort. Soon he was drifting into a deep sleep next to the love of his life.

Elena woke before him. Her naked body was wrapped in his sheets, and his scent filled the room. Damon was sleeping on his side facing her. His face was relaxed and peaceful, a slight smile playing on his lips. His dark hair was tousled from their night of activity, His chest bare and dazzling. As the thought of last night passed through her head she smiled to herself.

Elena could tell it was late morning by the light filtering through the window. Knowing how late they'd been up, even after all the frolicking was over, she didn't move much so she didn't stir him awake. Instead she just gazed at him. While she had been spelled asleep, Elena had dreamt, mostly of Damon. No dream compared to actually having him here though. With every rise and fall of his chest, Elena felt more and more blessed.

One of his ocean blue eyes peeked open and stared back at her. She smiled at how silly he looked.

"I can hear you thinking." He said gruffly. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. When she pulled back both of his eyes were open and drinking her in.

"I feared for half a second that I'd wake up this morning and you wouldn't actually be here." He admitted quietly. Elena scooted close to him and tucked herself into his chest. "I am here. Not going anywhere." Damon hugged her close to him, pressing their naked bodies together. "I know." He said to her. He held her for a while, kissing her head every few seconds like he was reminding himself that he could. When Elena couldn't take the proximity anymore, she wrapped one of her legs around his waist and pushed so she was straddling him.

Elena hovered above his surprised smile for a second, and then gave him a lingering kiss. He caught on to her mood then. He sat up, wrapping his arms around her back and kissed her hard. Then in a flash he had her flipped over so he was the one on top of her. She laughed lightly and gave him mock glare. In response he grinded his hips against hers which effectively wiped that expression off her face.

Damon laughed at the response and then jumped out of bed. Elena looked on confused, and a little hurt. Damon couldn't help the chuckle that bubbled out of his mouth. "c'mon kitten. Breakfast time." He said to her, holding his hand out. She pouted but then took his hand and allowed him to lead her to get dressed.

As Elena was pulling on her red shirt Damon wrapped his arms around her from behind. He was now dressed in a black T-shirt and grey sweatpants that hung deliciously off his hips. "what would you like for breakfast love?" he rested his head on her shoulder. "surprise me." She said simply, lifting a hand to tangle her fingers in his hair. Damon leaned into the touch, loving the familiarity of it. He smiled playfully and kissed her neck. "Okay." he said, and then he was gone.

Elena mourned his presence while she brushed her hair and teeth. As she was walking out of the bathroom she stopped. The room looked more lived in than it had since she woke up. The sheets were a hurricane of a mess on the bed, all the t-shirts she had been sleeping with had been folded and stuck into drawers this morning. The bedroom was still void of Damon though. If Elena allowed herself she could convince herself that he wasn't really home, that she was yet again all alone, and that last night was just a great dream.

She felt the hopelessness try to grab her heart so she stalked towards the closet and pulled out the boxes hidden there. She unpacked each one until all of Damon's belongings were back where they belonged, including a stack of books that he liked to read on his bedside table. The room seemed even messier now, but Elena was much happier.

When she turned to walk out of the door she almost ran into Damon's chest. He caught her by the arms and chuckled under his breath. "woah kitten." She looked up at him bashfully. She wasn't sure If He was going to mind the intrusion of his personal space, meaning the boxes not her clumsiness. Damon smiled a real smile down at her and kissed her forehead. "thank you." he said quietly. When Elena gave him a questioning look he tilted his head indicating the room. "For the stuff, for bringing me back, and making things right again." Elena smiled back and leaned into him, hugging him close. He buried his face in her hair. Damon smelled liked flour and vanilla and Elena's stomach growled loudly.

Damon's laugh shook his body. He leaned back and took Elena's hand. "c'mon Lena. Breakfast is ready." he said to her. She smiled sheepishly because she was starving and happily followed Damon towards the door. Before he pulled her out and down down stairs she glanced one more time at the bedroom. The light was shining brightly overhead, and the sunlight was littering through the blinds. It had once felt so empty to Elena. A room full of loss. Now it was bright and happy, a room full of endless possibilities for her life.

When they got downstairs Stefan and Caroline were already eating. They greeted Damon and Elena with huge smiles. No doubt they had heard what was going on last night but they were polite enough not to mention it. Together the four of them are the pancakes that Damon had made.

"So we need to discuss something with the two of you." Caroline said. Elena and Damon gave her their full attention.

"We are planning our wedding for June, and we would like you two to be the maid of honor and best man." Elena and Damon accepted excitedly and hugged the other couple. The guys left the room to toast the occasion and Elena and Caroline embraced for longer than was necessary. They cried together out of happiness, and also because they were about to start a whole new life, one without Bonnie and no matter how much time passed it just didn't seem to get easier. Eventually the girls pulled away from each other and Elena wiped Caroline's tears. "She's here Care. You know she wouldn't miss it." Elena uttered. Caroline nodded her head and then the girls went to joint Damon and Stefan in the front room.

Elena knew it was going to be a different life now. Many of her friends, and all of her family would miss it, but it would be a good one anyway. She had a new family now, and though a little broken, this one was good. They'd be happy, and that was all she could really ask for.


	17. Epilogue

Jeremy passed away that spring. They had a large service and Elena got to speak at his funeral. It was very beautiful and sad. Tyler came and everyone insisted that he stay in mystic falls. So he agreed.

Tyler passed away right before Caroline's wedding. Stefan and Caroline decided to put off the wedding because sadness was a color that didn't belong at a wedding. Elena was brave through the whole thing, but in the end all four of them had a hard time parting with their last human friend.

After Tyler's funeral wedding plans picked right back up and in July they put on the most beautiful wedding. Elena invited Lee, where Damon had a chance to personally thank him for all the things he'd done for him when he really didn't deserve it. Caroline looked beautiful in her gown, and the decor was perfect. Angela and damien and Delenie came and a lot of other people that Elena didn't really recognize. It was literally a wedding straight out of Caroline's dreams. And though the feeling of loss was heavy in the air, when the sun set and the music started, the foursome danced and laughed all night. A couple of times they all even felt the warm breeze that they all knew meant Bonnie was there. Elena was right that she wouldn't miss this. By the time Stefan and Caroline left in the car to carry them away to their honeymoon the sadness was hardly tangible. They had officially gotten a new start.

Damon and Elena went to the cemetery after the wedding. They spent a long time visiting all the people they had lost since they met each other. Damon took a bottle of whiskey to Alaric's grave. Elena was sad for him, she knew he missed his best friend. Elena took a bunch of roses to the Gilbert plot. She placed one on her mom and dad's grave, one of jenna's, one of john's, and finally one on Jeremy's. They visited the Bennett plot and the both of them lingered at Bonnie's grave. Neither one of them really fully recovered from that loss. They stopped by Liz Forbes grave, and Matt donovan's. Finally Tyler's grave next to his mother and father.

All the people they had lost through the years, all the life they had witnessed. For the first time since Elena's parents died she began to feel at peace with all her loss, happy that she knew them, instead of sad that they were gone.

Afterwards the two went home to the boarding house, where they spent the whole night making love, and talking, or just breathing together because they could, because they were still breathing.

The reality of her humanity was on the horizon, and Elena knew they'd have to deal with it sooner or later, but for now they could both take comfort in each other without worry. Nothing would separate them, not even death, for a very, very long time.


End file.
